Some people think adults should give children freedom to make mistakes. Others think adults should prevent children from making mistakes. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In
this
day and age, it is debatable that parents completely possess different perspectives to look after their toddlers. Some of them amicably give a shot their kids to make a mistake regularly;
in contrast
, others head off their children to deal with it.
Hence
,
this
essay would like to elaborate in a nutshell about the aforementioned issues and provide my ideas regarding them.
To begin
with, on the one hand, kids are going to be trained in terms of fundamental academic skills when they are screwing up.
In addition
, most people believe that
this
floor allows children to grasp an opportunity to go through a problem and bring up a solution.
For instance
, in a simple condition, when a toddler falls down the road because of overlooking his step, he will go over it and pay more attention after that.
As a result
, creating a mistake possibly fosters their critical thinking and problem-solving.
On the other hand
, other proponents strongly consider that a miserable moment is going to decrease teenagers' mental health.
According to
the data, just under 80% of young people suffer from an anxiety problem when they do something wrong to society and are unable to turn out a notion.
This
circumstance might be stimulated
due to
always generating a fault when they were a child.
Consequently
, creating a blunder,
while
they were juveniles will have a bad impact on human behaviour in the future.
To sum up
, those statements are still questionable, which raises an error as a good or bad teacher in terms of a kid's well-being.
Moreover
, my take on
this
,
this
issue must boost toddlers' basic knowledge.
Submitted by soniandriawan1992 on

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task achievement
Try to expand on your ideas with more specific examples and detailed explanations. This will improve the clarity and relevance of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between paragraphs. Ensuring smooth transitions will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Polish the introduction and conclusion to make them more engaging and reflective of the main points discussed. A stronger introduction and conclusion can enhance the overall impact of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both views on the topic and provides your own opinion, which is essential for a complete task response.
task achievement
The essay presents clear main points, such as the benefits of allowing kids to make mistakes and the potential negative effects on mental health.
task achievement
You used appropriate examples to illustrate your points, such as the example of a toddler falling on the road due to not paying attention.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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