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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

IN MANT COUNTRIES, PEOPLE ARE NOW LIVING LONGER THAN EVER BEFORE. SOME PEOPLE SAY AN AGEING POPULATION CREATES PROBLEMS FOR GOVERNMENTS. OTHER PEOPLE THINK THERE ARE BENEFITS IF SOCIETY HAS MORE ELDERLY PEOPLE. TO WHAT EXTENT DO THE ADVANTAGES OF HAVING AN AGEING POPULATION OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?

#mant #countries #people #population #governments #society
The population of most countries of the world is ageing ;
people
 are living longer and there are fewer younger
people
 in many places as birth rates fall.
This
 phenomenon has pros and cons, but
this
 essay will contend that, on balance, the advantages of having older
people
 outweigh the disadvantages. The first issue that occurs to many
people
 when considering the
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 population is the expense. If
people
 live longer, they may have more than 30 years of retirement and may need to be supported financially by the government or their families. If they experience age-related illness,
this
 impacts the health system and
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 up resources needed by other
people
 in society. What’s more, when older
people
 are financially independent. It might be hard for younger
people
 if they have to compete to get a foot in the door of the housing market or gain employment. That being said, older
people
 have a lot to contribute in terms of wisdom, experience, and skills. Many
people
 are active and productive for longer than their counterparts were 50 years ago and are an asset to the economy and society well into their old age. They are able to work for longer and after retirement they contribute in many ways too,
such
 as by doing charitable work, spending money as consumers and supporting their families. Grandparents often care for their young grandchildren, making it easier for both parents to work.
While
 it is true that an ageing population poses challenges for governments,
it is clear that
 these are outweighed by the significant benefits that elderly
people
 bring to society.
Submitted by saja.alotaibi on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position and offers relevant arguments. However, it could benefit from additional specific examples to illustrate your points better.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your logical flow is strengthened by using more transition words and phrases to connect your ideas seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both clear and effectively frame the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt comprehensively and presents a well-rounded argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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