Some people think that museums should be free for everyone. Others think visitors should pay to enter. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
People
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have different views about
museums
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. Some
people
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think
museums
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should be free for everyone. Others think visitors should pay to enter. In my opinion, paying is better, because
museums
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need
money
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to stay open and keep the objects safe.
Body paragraph 1
People
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who support free
museums
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have one good reason
:
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:
show examples
it helps
families
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with little
money
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. Some
families
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cannot pay for
tickets
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, so they stay at home.
For example
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, a father with four
children
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may need to pay forty dollars for one visit.
This
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is too much for him, so his
children
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never see the
museum
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. Because of
this
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, free
tickets
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let more
children
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learn about history, which helps them in school. These
children
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can
then
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enjoy the
museum
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with their parents. So free
museums
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give every child a chance to learn.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, I believe that paying is better, because
museums
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need
money
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to stay open.
For example
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, a
museum
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must pay for guards, cleaners and electricity every month. If visitors do not pay, the
museum
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may close some rooms. Because of
this
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, fewer
people
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can see the old objects, which makes the visit less interesting. The
museum
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can sell cheaper
tickets
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to students, so
families
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can still visit.
This
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means that more
children
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can learn, and the
museum
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can still pay for its work.
This
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is why paying is the better choice.
Conclusion
In conclusion, free
museums
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help
families
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with little
money
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, and
this
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lets more
children
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learn.
However
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, I believe that paying is better, because
museums
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need
money
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to stay open.
This
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is why visitors should pay, and students can have cheaper
tickets
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.

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task response
You answer both sides and give your own view. To make your view stronger, say more about why paying is better than free entry for all people, not only for the museum.
task response
Your ideas are clear, but they are a little simple. Add one more point, such as how money from tickets can help fix old things or make new shows.
task response
Your examples are useful. Make them feel more real by saying how low-cost tickets, free days, or help from the city could work.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: free entry, paid entry, then your ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some lines repeat the same idea, especially that children can learn and that museums need money. Join or change these lines so each part adds a new point.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to show a closer link between ideas. For example, use “also”, “as a result”, “on the other hand”, and “for this reason”.
coherence and cohesion
In the last part, do not repeat almost all of the first lines. Give a short final answer and restate the main reason for it in a fresh way.
task response
You discuss both free entry and paid entry, and your own view is clear from the start.
task response
The example of a parent with four children helps show why free entry can matter for families with less money.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has one clear idea, and the examples fit the point of that part.
coherence and cohesion
The start and the ending are both present, and they match your main view.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
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