IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some believe that technology has made our life easy, while others think that it leads to negative effects.

#believe #technology #life #effects
Nowadays,
technology
 has become a basic necessity.
People
 can't work without using
technology
.
However
,
technology
also
 has negative effects. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views followed by my opinion. On the one hand, the sophisticated development of
technology
 can give more valuable benefits for all users. There are some products of
technology
 like the
internet
, mobile phones and laptops.
lets
Replace the word
let's
let us
show examples
 take , the
internet
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 one of the important parts of life
such
 as business, education,
government
Correct word choice
and government
show examples
. Recently, it can be seen that the development of product's
internet
. Undoubtedly, all
people
 in Indonesia can have
access
information
Change preposition
to information
show examples
 easily and improve their skills because
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can learn available resources online.
in addition
, we can see in education sectors that it is as media teach and learn so both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teachers and students can
access
 more knowledge through the
internet
.
On the other hand
,
technology
also
 has dangerous effects , especially for the young generation, because they can use
technology
 whenever and wherever they want. The first negative effect is dependency. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teenagers focus
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 much on their phones and they can easily forget the
internet
 easily without limitations.
this
 can
be worsen
Change the verb form
be worsened
show examples
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
easy
access
 , every student has media social like Instagram, Facebook and tiktok even illegal websites. It's not uncommon, the young generation use
technology
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 related to their age.
For instance
, children
access
 pornography
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
.
My
Change preposition
In my
show examples
 perspective,
technology
 can offer both positive and negative results depending on the
people
. So, the government have to block every negative website and collaborate with
NGO
Fix the agreement mistake
NGOs
show examples
,
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
,
communities
Correct word choice
and communities
show examples
 to educate about
technology
. In summary, the development of
technology
 has more advantages for all
people
 especially
they
Correct word choice
since they
show examples
 can
access
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 easily,
although
 it can
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
 negative effects
such
 as
they
Wrong verb form
accessing
show examples
access
illegal
Add an article
the illegal
an illegal
show examples
 website
Submitted by writingbersama on

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task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument but lacks a clear thesis statement in the introduction. Make sure to explicitly state your stance to improve clarity for the reader.
coherence cohesion
While the essay flows and includes logical connections, some parts need more consistent linking words and cohesive devices to ensure smoother transitions between ideas.
task achievement
Add more specific and relevant examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and demonstrate your understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The points discussed are valid, but the paragraphing needs to be more balanced and well-structured. Each paragraph should ideally have one main idea that is well-supported.
task achievement
The essay effectively introduces the topic and outlines the structure of the discussion, making it easier for the reader to follow along.
task achievement
Both advantages and disadvantages of technology are discussed, showing a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay concludes with a clear opinion, summarizing the main points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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