Some people believe that hard work and determination are the main requirements for success, while others say other factors lead to success. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give a reason for your example and include relevant examples from your knowledge and experience.
No one can deny that hard
work
and determination are important aspects of a successful life. However
, there are some arguments among the public about whether other factors also
lead to success. Therefore
, I believe that both cases are needed for a person to become a triumph which I will explain in the following paragraph.
To begin
with , there is no doubt that a healthy lifestyle and good mental health are significant foundations for people to achieve a positive outcome . For example
, Mark Zuckerberg is a billionaire businessman and the CEO of the famous social media called Facebook , he practiced
martial arts to maintain good shape and stay active , meanwhile keeping a steady mental well-being so that he Change the spelling
practised
can
Wrong verb form
could
work
and produce an
excellent output. Remove the article
apply
In contrast
, if our body and mind are sick then
it is impossible for an individual to keep up with the outstanding pathways.
As we can see , hard work
and determination are skills that need to be put in effort continuously by individuals over time and crucial
parts of the requirements to become successful.Add a missing verb
are crucial
For instance
, in order to become better than others , one needs to work
twice as hard to overcome the hardships toward
the meaningful and long run. Change preposition
in
In addition
, a
bad productivity and value came from a negative and lazy person.
In conclusion , I believe that all elements are vital for Remove the article
apply
the
human to accomplish their goals , considering both fitness and commitment are needed to equilibrium and toward the direction of Correct article usage
apply
the
promising life.Correct article usage
a
Submitted by tifjong on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
While the essay presents a balanced discussion, it would benefit from more specific examples to support the arguments in greater depth. For instance, adding statistics or data could enhance the persuasiveness of the points made.
coherence cohesion
To further improve coherence, transitions between paragraphs and sentences should be smoother. Using linking words and phrases more effectively will help create a more seamless flow throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor grammatical issues and punctuation, such as the correct use of commas and avoiding run-on sentences. This can help in making the writing more polished and professional.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and structured introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting a coherent argument.
task achievement
The main ideas are clearly articulated and are relevant to the topic of discussion.
task achievement
The use of a real-life example, such as mentioning Mark Zuckerberg, effectively supports the argument, making the essay more relatable and engaging.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.