IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph shows the percentuge of households in one country that had various goods between 2001 and 2008

The graph shows the percentuge of households in one country that had various goods between 2001 and 2008
#percentuge #households #country #goods
The chart below shows the percentage of British households that had different devices in 2001 and 2008.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 telephone decreased slightly over the period .
However
,
all
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 percentage of households with devices
such
 as mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
,home
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 increased sharply ,and other items grew significantly in 2008. Focusing on
microwave
Fix the agreement mistake
microwaves
show examples
 and CD
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
 as means of gadgets ,these increased
over
Change preposition
by over
show examples
 10 % and 20% respectively.Internet and dishwasher were at 10 % and 20% ,but after the seven years ,these increased sharply ,approximately, 60% and 40% respectively.As for households with mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and home
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
,the former rose from 25% in 2008 to about 80% in 2008,
while
 the latter began at 35% in 2001 before growing by 65% in 2008.And clothes
drayer
Correct your spelling
dryer
 increased over the 60% .
By contrast
,the percentage of telephone usage
obsevered
Correct your spelling
observed
 a
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
show examples
 decrease,which was
peak
Correct article usage
the peak
show examples
 level of
Add an article
the device
a device
show examples
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
 in the primary year. It
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
just
go
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 down
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 90% in 2008.
Submitted by Shaxnoza on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: