IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is apparent that a
number
Use synonyms
 of animal species are facing extinction. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain the key reasons behind the increasing
number
Use synonyms
 of animal extinctions and propose some ways to alleviate them. There are basically two reasons that contribute towards higher levels of animal extinction. The first is
due to
Linking Words
 the high
number
Use synonyms
 of illegal poaching. In
this
Linking Words
 case, irresponsible parties poach endangered
animals
Use synonyms
 to be sold in the black market for their own sake. When they successfully make profits from their illegal businesses, they do the same action multiple times, which can
therefore
Linking Words
 cause the population of endangered
animals
Use synonyms
decrease
Add the particle
to decrease
show examples
. Why
animals
Use synonyms
 are extinct can be
also
Linking Words
 affected by the increasing
number
Use synonyms
 of urbanizations encroaching on the ecosystem of
animals
Use synonyms
. To illustrate, to sustain the growing population of humans, more and more space is needed for agriculture.
Consequently
Linking Words
, many
animals
Use synonyms
 lose their habitat. Because of
this
Linking Words
, they tend to look for food in residential areas, which makes them conflicted with humans and in the end causes them killed. Two solutions that can be taken to overcome the problem are explained as follows.
First,
Linking Words
the governments should give more severe punishment to the illegal hunters. If the given punishment does not have a deterrent effect, they will always do the activity again.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there is a need to build more national parks where human activity is limited. When
animals
Use synonyms
 live in conservation, their food is fulfilled, and they can avoid conflicts with humans. In conclusion, animal extinction is commonly caused by human activities. The solutions for the problem are two-fold: giving severe punishment to reduce illegal poaching and building national parks to maintain sustainable animal habitats.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task by explaining the reasons behind animal extinction and proposing solutions. Yet, adding more specific statistics, examples or references to particular species could strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Ideas are generally clear and logically structured. However, there are minor lapses in coherence occasionally, due to the overuse of 'they' and 'this', which sometimes make it unclear whether the reference is to the animals or the poachers. Being more specific would enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that paragraphs are well-developed and focus on one main idea each. For example, the paragraph explaining the reasons could be split into two separate paragraphs: one for illegal poaching and one for urbanization, each supported by more detailed examples or data.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear and sets up the topic well, making the reader aware of what to expect in the essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and gives a clear solution to the problem, creating a strong ending.
task achievement
The essay covers both parts of the task comprehensively, explaining causes and solutions, which shows a good understanding and addressing of the task.
coherence cohesion
The use of linking words and phrases, such as 'because of this' and 'to illustrate', helps to maintain the flow and coherence of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • species extinction
  • endangered animals
  • biodiversity
  • habitat loss
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • poaching
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • conservation efforts
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • human overpopulation
  • sustainable development
  • responsible consumption
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • international cooperation
  • collaboration
What to do next:
Look at other essays: