Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.
It is apparent that a
number
of animal species are facing extinction. In this
essay, I will explain the key reasons behind the increasing number
of animal extinctions and propose some ways to alleviate them.
There are basically two reasons that contribute towards higher levels of animal extinction. The first is due to
the high number
of illegal poaching. In this
case, irresponsible parties poach endangered animals
to be sold in the black market for their own sake. When they successfully make profits from their illegal businesses, they do the same action multiple times, which can therefore
cause the population of endangered animals
decrease
. Why Add the particle
to decrease
animals
are extinct can be also
affected by the increasing number
of urbanizations encroaching on the ecosystem of animals
. To illustrate, to sustain the growing population of humans, more and more space is needed for agriculture. Consequently
, many animals
lose their habitat. Because of this
, they tend to look for food in residential areas, which makes them conflicted with humans and in the end causes them killed.
Two solutions that can be taken to overcome the problem are explained as follows. First,
the governments should give more severe punishment to the illegal hunters. If the given punishment does not have a deterrent effect, they will always do the activity again. Furthermore
, there is a need to build more national parks where human activity is limited. When animals
live in conservation, their food is fulfilled, and they can avoid conflicts with humans.
In conclusion, animal extinction is commonly caused by human activities. The solutions for the problem are two-fold: giving severe punishment to reduce illegal poaching and building national parks to maintain sustainable animal habitats.Submitted by alfinkarimah008 on
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task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task by explaining the reasons behind animal extinction and proposing solutions. Yet, adding more specific statistics, examples or references to particular species could strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Ideas are generally clear and logically structured. However, there are minor lapses in coherence occasionally, due to the overuse of 'they' and 'this', which sometimes make it unclear whether the reference is to the animals or the poachers. Being more specific would enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that paragraphs are well-developed and focus on one main idea each. For example, the paragraph explaining the reasons could be split into two separate paragraphs: one for illegal poaching and one for urbanization, each supported by more detailed examples or data.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear and sets up the topic well, making the reader aware of what to expect in the essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and gives a clear solution to the problem, creating a strong ending.
task achievement
The essay covers both parts of the task comprehensively, explaining causes and solutions, which shows a good understanding and addressing of the task.
coherence cohesion
The use of linking words and phrases, such as 'because of this' and 'to illustrate', helps to maintain the flow and coherence of the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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