The plans below show how the ground floor of a particular buildings has changed over time.

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The pictures compare the details of the
ground
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floor
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of a building that changed between 1958
until
Correct word choice
and
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now. Looking from an
overall
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perspective, it is readily apparent that
this
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area served as both
commercial
Correct article usage
a commercial
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and residential place over time. There were many rooms on the
ground
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floor
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in the past,
however
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, currently, there is more free space on that
floor
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. Between 1958 and 1984, the
ground
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floor
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was used as an office, and between 1985 and 2000, it served as an apartment.
Thus
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, the assistant’s and the secretary’s offices were flattened and
instead
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, the meeting
room
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became wider and replaced by a living
room
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.
Also
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, the toilet space became bigger, and a bathroom was added there. Additional to
this
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, two bedrooms have been added in the eastern part of the
room
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. In the present day, the layout has changed significantly.
Firstly
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, the
ground
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floor
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has become a flower shop.
Secondly
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, the bathroom and shower replaced by a play area and
living
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the living
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room
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has shrunk and
replaced
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been replaced
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by a place for buying gift cards.
While
Linking Words
the utilization of the first bedroom changed to
office
Correct article usage
an office
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,
second
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the second
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bedroom
removed
Add a missing verb
was removed
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completely. The only
room
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that
remind
Verb problem
remained
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unaltered was
kitchen
Add an article
the kitchen
a kitchen
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.
Submitted by amir1375.6 on

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coherence cohesion
You provided a clear and logical structure in your essay, breaking down the timeline and changes in a coherent manner. However, it would be useful to add a concluding sentence or summary at the end to wrap up your points neatly.
coherence cohesion
To improve clarity, use more transitional phrases to better link your ideas. For example, 'Additionally,' could be used instead of 'Additional to this,' and 'Moreover,' could help introduce new points smoothly.
task achievement
Ensure that your main ideas are fully supported with relevant details. For instance, you could elaborate more on how the free space on the ground floor affects the functionality of the building today compared to the past.
task achievement
Some minor grammatical corrections and improvements in phrasing would be beneficial. For example, 'served as both commercial and residential place' could be improved to 'served both commercial and residential purposes.'
task achievement
Your essay does a great job at detailing the changes over different time periods, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay provides specific changes to different rooms and their purposes over time, which makes it informative and precise.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow from past to present improvements adheres to a well-structured format, making it easy to follow your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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