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Band 6.5

Some people think that exercise is the key to health, while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #exercise #health #diet
In our society, there are a lot of controversial issues that affect our lives. A healthy life is one of these issues. Some people argue that eating a balanced diet is
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
essential for our
health
,
while
 others state that exercising is
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
vital to our
health
. I believe that healthy meals are the most beneficial to our
body
, as they can keep it healthy.
This
 essay will discuss both points of view. First of all, the human
body
 requires a balanced diet to stay healthy. To illustrate that, some studies state that our
body
 needs 35% carbohydrates, 30% fruits and vegetables, 20% protein, and 5% fat per day.
This
food
 can provide the human
body
 with the required minerals and vitamins.
In contrast
, unhealthy meals
such
 as junk
food
, which contain high portions of fat, salt, and sugar, can lead to an increased risk of chronic diseases
such
 as obesity, heart disease, and type 2 diabetes.
On the other hand
, regular exercises are essential to maintaining a fit
body
. As an explanation for that, doing sports can help to burn calories and build muscle.
For example
, most sportsmen have a perfect
body
. Not only that, exercises may help us improve our mental
health
.
In other words
, it can improve our mood and our energy. In conclusion, after a detailed analysis of both arguments, I think that balanced
food
 has a vital role in our
health
, since by eating healthy
food
 we can prevent disease and keep our bodies healthy-shaped.
Submitted by btool.taher on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses both views and provides relevant examples, it could benefit from more elaboration on the specific benefits of exercise and a more balanced discussion. Integrating scientific facts or statistics could enhance the argument as well.
coherence cohesion
Try to refine your topic sentences and make clear connections between your arguments. This will help to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion summarizes both points of view more thoroughly and restates your opinion in a stronger manner.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an effective introduction and conclusion, which provides a logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
You have presented clear and comprehensive ideas, staying relevant to the topic throughout the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cardiovascular health
  • Metabolism
  • Chronic diseases
  • Immune system
  • Mental well-being
  • Nutrients
  • Malnutrition
  • Obesity
  • Type 2 diabetes
  • Circulation
  • Nutrient distribution
  • Preventive health
  • Energy levels
  • Balanced diet
  • Essential nutrients
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