IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that society effects on the youth more than their parents.  To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #society #effects #youth #parents
In today's interconnected world, the influence of
society
 on the
youth
 is undeniable.
While
parents
 play a crucial role in shaping their children's
values
 and beliefs, it is becoming increasingly evident that
society
 has a significant impact on the development of young
individuals
. I agree with the opinion that
society
 can have a greater influence on the
youth
 than their
parents
 to a certain extent. One reason for
this
 is the vast array of external influences that young people are exposed to in today's digital age. Social media, globalization, and technological advancements have made it easier for young
individuals
 to be influenced by societal norms, trends, and ideals. These influences can sometimes overshadow the
values
 and beliefs instilled by
parents
, especially if they conflict with each other.
Moreover
, peer pressure and the desire to fit in with societal expectations can
also
 sway the behaviour and attitudes of young people. The need to conform to certain standards set by
society
 can sometimes lead young
individuals
 to prioritize external validation over the
values
 taught by their
parents
.
However
,
while
society
 does have a significant impact on the
youth
,
parents
 still hold a crucial role in shaping their children's moral compass and guiding them through life's challenges. The family unit remains a fundamental source of support, love, and guidance for young
individuals
. In conclusion,
while
society
 can indeed have a strong influence on the
youth
, the role of
parents
 in shaping their children's
values
 and beliefs should not be underestimated. A balance between parental guidance and societal influences is essential in ensuring the healthy development of young
individuals
 in today's complex world.
Submitted by chartakinnovation on

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task achievement
Consider including specific examples or case studies to further substantiate your points. This will enhance your argument and provide clearer evidence for your claims.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. While your essay is generally cohesive, a few more transitional phrases could improve the flow and clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-defined and effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
You provide a balanced and nuanced perspective on the topic, acknowledging both the influence of society and the role of parents.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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