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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that students who achieve the best academic results should be rewarded. Others believe it is more important to reward students who show improvement. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is a popular belief that
students
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 are better appreciated if they get the highest scores in their studies. Whilst, others have another opinion that the one who able to demonstrate their performance increase should be awarded.
This
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 essay will demonstrate both views which are how top
students
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 keep up their good work because they are appreciated and rewarding the ones who show improvement is causing
everyone
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 to be pushed to improve.
Then
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 the essay will explain why the second opinion is more important than the first belief. Many believe top
students
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 will continue to work as hard as before when they are recognized for their achievements. Usually,
students
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 tend to think it will be pointless if their hard work is not appreciated.
However
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,
this
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 view is not strong enough to be taken seriously because they are already rewarded for the high marks they get.
For instance
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, the top high school
students
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 are able to get into top universities more easily than the others who unfortunately do not have good grades.
On the other hand
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, some people think that giving appreciation to
students
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 who show improvement will push
everyone
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 to improve. By
this
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, I mean not all
students
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 are born talented in academic skills but every single student without exception is able to improve in some way. Considering, that teaching every student to improve is one of the main goals of education, it is more important to encourage
everyone
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 to push themselves rather than only minority
students
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 who are top
students
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.
For example
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, in my country, it is a common thing to only appreciate
students
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 who get the highest grades.
As a result
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, many of them who are not talented to get good marks do not bother to push themselves to improve. In conclusion, rewarding improvement is more crucially important rather than appreciating raw talent because the top
students
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 have already been rewarded for their good marks and it is one vital mission in education to improve
everyone
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 regardless of their initial background.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Make sure all points are well-supported with clear examples to strengthen arguments.
task achievement
Avoid overly long sentences by breaking them into clearer, shorter sentences to improve readability.
task achievement
Make sure to thoroughly proofread your essay for grammatical errors and sentence structure.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the discussion.
task achievement
The writer successfully presents both views of the argument, discussing their merits objectively.
task achievement
Relevant examples are provided to support the main points, enhancing the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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