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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In the contemporary world, the controversy surrounding improving public
health
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 has been a prominent topic.
While
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 some people believe that increasing the number of
sports
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facilities
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,
such
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 as gyms, can significantly enhance public
health
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, others argue that
this
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 phenomenon is a multifaceted challenge and a comprehensive approach is required. From my perspective,
while
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 increasing the number of
sports
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facilities
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 is a positive step, it should be part of a broader strategy to improve public
health
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. On the one hand, it is undeniable that more
sports
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facilities
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 encourage physical activity, which contributes to preventing diseases
such
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 as obesity, diabetes, and cardiovascular issues.
For instance
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, accessible and well-maintained parks, gyms, and
sports
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 centres can motivate individuals to engage in regular
exercise
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, thereby improving physical fitness.
Besides
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, by sticking to a daily group
exercise
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, one can foster community spirit and social interactions, which are
also
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 beneficial for mental
health
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 and well-being.
On the other hand
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, there is an opposing viewpoint which suggests merely increasing the number of
sports
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facilities
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 may have a limited impact on public
health
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. To be more precise,
while
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sports
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facilities
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 are important, they do not address other crucial factors influencing
health
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,
such
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 as diet, healthcare access, and education.
For example
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, poor dietary habits and inadequate healthcare services,
as well as
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 a lack of awareness about the importance of regular
exercise
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, can negate the benefits of physical activities.
Therefore
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, a more holistic approach is necessary, one that includes public
health
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 campaigns, improved healthcare services, and policies that promote healthy eating habits and encourage
exercise
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. In conclusion, the debate on improving public
health
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 through
sports
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facilities
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 highlights the need for a balanced and comprehensive strategy.
While
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sports
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facilities
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 play a crucial role in promoting physical activity, they should be integrated into broader public
health
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 initiatives.
This
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 holistic approach is more likely to yield significant and sustainable improvements in public
health
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.

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task achievement
To achieve higher clarity and impact in the introduction, consider clearly stating the two opposing views before presenting your opinion. Although your viewpoint is clear, a more assertive stance could enhance the strength of your argument.
task achievement
Including more specific examples and statistical data would further substantiate your points and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue.
coherence cohesion
Smoothly transition between paragraphs for better flow. For instance, using transitional phrases can guide the reader more effectively from one argument to the next.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting sentences that directly relate to it. While your essay is coherent, tightening the link between ideas can enhance overall readability.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical and easy to follow, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You have well-supported main points with relevant arguments, making your essay persuasive and engaging.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and presents a balanced view, fulfilling the task requirements well.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as gyms and parks, provides practical context to your argument about sports facilities.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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