IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Society is based on rules and laws. If individuals were free to do whatever they want to do, it could not function. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?

Societies are complex structures that rely on
rules
Use synonyms
 and
laws
Use synonyms
 to maintain order. The idea that a society could not function if individuals were free to act as they pleased is a compelling one, and I largely agree with it, but at the same
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 strict
rules
Use synonyms
 and
regulations
Use synonyms
 could lead to the lack of freedom.
Therefore
Linking Words
 in
this
Linking Words
 essay the ideas
whether
Change preposition
of whether
show examples
 it is necessary to establish and maintain orders based on
rules
Use synonyms
 or not are going to be expressed. Being an integral and essential part of every modern state, different
regulations
Use synonyms
 provide security and stability,
along with
Linking Words
 the maintenance of peace and public safety. They create a peaceful environment for living and development, and the lack of them might lead to a rise in crime rates, harmful
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
, and violence as individuals might not have the fear of consequences.
For example
Linking Words
, Singapore's stringent
laws
Use synonyms
 have made it one of the safest countries in the world with a very low crime rate. The well-functioning legal system has
also
Linking Words
 promoted economic development.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the abundance of
rules
Use synonyms
 could lead to a situation where the population cannot express their views and could even be persecuted and punished for it. In North Korea,
for instance
Linking Words
, where
rules
Use synonyms
 and strict
laws
Use synonyms
 play a significant role in the maintenance of its regime,
regulations
Use synonyms
 enhanced the creation of a well-functioning system within the state, but
nevertheless
Linking Words
, the DPRK is considered one of the states with the highest level of human rights violations. In
such
Linking Words
 cases, the profusion of
laws
Use synonyms
 can help the government promote and support its regime, but at the same time, the rights of ordinary citizens might be infringed. In conclusion, it is important to mention that
regulations
Use synonyms
exist
Wrong verb form
have existed
show examples
 in every country and society for centuries. Throughout history, they have helped authorities
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
regulate and promote the development of nations. Personal freedom is essential, but it must be exercised within the framework of
rules
Use synonyms
 and
laws
Use synonyms
 to ensure the functioning of society. As well, a balance must be struck between ensuring public order and allowing individual expression.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay effectively addresses the task and presents a balanced view on the topic. To improve further, consider making your stance more explicit in the introduction and conclusion. This will help reinforce the clarity of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is cohesive and logically structured, with clear paragraphs and transitions. However, ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single main idea, and avoid introducing new ideas in the concluding paragraph.
task response
Your essay includes relevant specific examples, such as the references to Singapore and North Korea, which strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets up the debate nicely, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points while reinforcing your stance.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • social order
  • harmonious
  • individual freedoms
  • societal norms
  • unrestricted freedom
  • crime rates
  • dysfunctional
  • fair distribution
  • human rights
  • justice system
  • accountability
  • enforcing laws
  • restrictive regulations
  • societal functionality
  • legal frameworks
What to do next:
Look at other essays: