Write about the following topic: In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
An increase in the number of overweight
people
, followed by a decline in their health condition, is mainly due to
a significant growth in supply
of sugary Add an article
the supply
products
across the nation. I believe that one effective way to tackle this
issue is to bring up the prices of highly-sweetened food and drinks.
Nowadays, there are more and more people
who have access to purchasing high
Add a hyphen
high-sugar
sugar
products
easily. This
is because when it comes to producing consumer goods, both the government and manufacturers have least
concern in terms of society's well-being. Change the article
the least
For example
, children choose to buy soft drinks which contain aspartame at a convenience store located in their neighborhood
, since they are offered Change the spelling
neighbourhood
with
a variety of sugary drinks in their area of living.
An effective way to prevent the widespread use of Change preposition
apply
this
issue is to increase the price
of unhealthy products
. Although
the difference in price
might be insignificant, it will stimulate some customers to think twice before buying products
which contain high levels of sugar
. Considering to compare the price
of unhealthy food with the cheaper ones will lead to entice
them to buy healthier Change the verb form
enticing
products
. To illustrate, people
tend to buy low
Add a hyphen
low-sugar
sugar
colas if the price
is lower than the ones with normal sugar
levels.
In conclusion, societies realize that the number of people
suffering from obese
is climbing. Replace the word
obesity
Thus
, it is essential for the government and the public to work together and to
take action by increasing the Fix the infinitive
apply
price
of unhealthy products
in order to solve this
matter.Submitted by michellyonggo on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your response is overall well-developed and addresses the prompt effectively. However, there is room for further elaboration on other potential causes of the issue beyond sugary products. Including a wider range of measures could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas are clear and organized, adding more transition phrases could improve the flow between your points. This will help to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
task achievement
You clearly stated a potential cause (the growth in supply of sugary products) and provided an effective measure (increasing prices) to tackle the issue.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-defined, giving a good structure to your essay.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and help in supporting your main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured, and your main points are well-supported.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!