Write about the following topic: In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#topic #countries #weight #people #levels #health #fitness #measures

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

An increase in the number of overweight

people

, followed by a decline in their health condition, is mainly

due to

a significant growth in

supply

Add an article

the supply

show examples

of sugary

products

across the nation. I believe that one effective way to tackle

this

issue is to bring up the prices of highly-sweetened food and drinks. Nowadays, there are more and more

people

who have access to purchasing

high

Add a hyphen

high-sugar

show examples

sugar

products

easily.

This

is because when it comes to producing consumer goods, both the government and manufacturers have

least

Change the article

the least

show examples

concern in terms of society's well-being.

For example

, children choose to buy soft drinks which contain aspartame at a convenience store located in their

neighborhood

Change the spelling

neighbourhood

show examples

, since they are offered

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a variety of sugary drinks in their area of living. An effective way to prevent the widespread use of

this

issue is to increase the

price

of unhealthy

products

Although

the difference in

price

might be insignificant, it will stimulate some customers to think twice before buying

products

which contain high levels of

sugar

. Considering to compare the

price

of unhealthy food with the cheaper ones will lead to

entice

Change the verb form

enticing

show examples

them to buy healthier

products

. To illustrate,

people

tend to buy

low

Add a hyphen

low-sugar

show examples

sugar

colas if the

price

is lower than the ones with normal

sugar

levels. In conclusion, societies realize that the number of

people

suffering from

obese

Replace the word

obesity

show examples

is climbing.

Thus

, it is essential for the government and the public to work together and

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

take action by increasing the

price

of unhealthy

products

in order to solve

this

matter.

Submitted by michellyonggo on Fri Jul 05 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Your response is overall well-developed and addresses the prompt effectively. However, there is room for further elaboration on other potential causes of the issue beyond sugary products. Including a wider range of measures could strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

While your ideas are clear and organized, adding more transition phrases could improve the flow between your points. This will help to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.

task achievement

You clearly stated a potential cause (the growth in supply of sugary products) and provided an effective measure (increasing prices) to tackle the issue.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are well-defined, giving a good structure to your essay.

task achievement

The examples provided are relevant and help in supporting your main points.

coherence cohesion

The essay is logically structured, and your main points are well-supported.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

255 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
some people believe that if people are not allowed to work after the age of 60, it cause problems. Do you agree or disagree?
The sphere of job would be changed through aging process of life. Thus, it is debated that the elderly should retire after the certain age compulsorily, and others argued that forceful retirement leads to a plethora of harmful problems. I advocate for the latter and in the following paragraph, it will be defended.
7
band
Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
These days, many individuals want to help their children to be good members of society. Some believe parents should teach them, while others feel that school is better. In this essay, both perspectives will be discussed with examples.
8
band
Some people argue that it is the responsibility of the police to educate children about good behavior, whereas others believe that parents should be responsible for children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In our contemporary era, it is acknowledged by some people that moral ethics need to be educated by the police, whereas others argue that families should take care of the behavioural education of their children. In my opinion, child development starts at the early stage in families and parents should be responsible for teaching what is good or bad, in addition, educational institutions should collaborate with them during the middle and high school stages.
4
band
advertising has become increasingly popular in different markets. Firms are using various forms of advertising to popularize the novelty of their products to the public for additional profit
Nowadays, advertising has become increasingly popular in different markets. Firms are using various forms of advertising to popularize the novelty of their products to the public for additional profit. I suspect this is a negative development that could hurt the welfare of consumers.
6
band
chools have the social responsibility to discourage children from eating junk food. Others think it is the parent's responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Due to the increased prevalence of processed food items among children, health has become one of the gravest global concerns. While some individuals claim that educational institutes should address this problem, others believe that parents should take this responsibility. Nevertheless, I firmly am of the view that it is parent's primary duty to monitor their children's eating habits by actively participating in their daily routines. This essay explores the reasons supporting why a proportion of society renders the issue as the school's responsibility and why the remainder reckons otherwise.

Fully explain your ideas

some people believe that if people are not allowed to work after the age of 60, it cause problems. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Some people argue that it is the responsibility of the police to educate children about good behavior, whereas others believe that parents should be responsible for children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

advertising has become increasingly popular in different markets. Firms are using various forms of advertising to popularize the novelty of their products to the public for additional profit

chools have the social responsibility to discourage children from eating junk food. Others think it is the parent's responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.