IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by fast foods. This has a negative impact on families, individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is no denying the fact that
food
Use synonyms
 is not only for eating
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
Linking Words
 it is art and tradition.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that traditional
foods
Use synonyms
 are being
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
replaced by junk
foods
Use synonyms
, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that it has a negative impact on families, individuals and society. In my opinion, I consider that I agree that traditional
foods
Use synonyms
had it
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 value and should not be replaced by unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, junk
foods
Use synonyms
 equals bad health and
body
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, fast
food
Use synonyms
 can easily destroy our
body
Use synonyms
 and health at least in two months, the ingredients they
been used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 full of chemicals and fat it does not only destroy it in
short
Correct article usage
the short
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- term
it is
Verb problem
but
show examples
also
Linking Words
destroy
Correct subject-verb agreement
destroys
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 it in
long
Correct article usage
the long
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 -term which means after 30 to 20 years later it could ruin your memory and your
body
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
Use synonyms
kill
Change the verb form
kills
show examples
 your fit.
For example
Linking Words
, there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
studies on the fit
body
Use synonyms
 and
non fit
Add a hyphen
non-fit
show examples
body
Use synonyms
 turns out
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 fit
body
Use synonyms
 usually eats full protein meals and fruits,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
non fit
Add a hyphen
non-fit
show examples
body
Use synonyms
 usually eats junk
food
Use synonyms
 or
food
Use synonyms
 full of fat. Another point to consider, traditional
food
Use synonyms
 usually is a
home cooked
Add a hyphen
home-cooked
show examples
meals
Fix the agreement mistake
meal
show examples
. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that traditional is a healthy
food
Use synonyms
 full of protein and
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 amount of carbs.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is what our ancestors ate.
For instance
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional
food
Use synonyms
 comes from a long time
age
Correct your spelling
ago
show examples
 and we commemorate
this
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 by cooking and eating it on special occasions. In conclusion, despite people having different views,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that traditional
food
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good choice of
food
Use synonyms
it
Correct word choice
because it
show examples
 is healthy tasty and easy to make at home.

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task achievement
The essay should clearly focus on addressing the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement. While the essay provides an opinion, it needs to delve into more depth and provide clearer arguments. Try to balance arguments and counterarguments to make your position more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Work on making your essay more coherent by ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This can be improved by using more cohesive devices and clear linking words.
task achievement
Each main point you make should be supported by clear examples or evidence. The examples given, such as the impact on health and the cultural significance of traditional food, are valid but could be more specific and detailed.
coherence cohesion
Avoid overly general statements. Be precise about how fast food impacts health and why traditional food is beneficial. This will make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Revise your essay for grammatical accuracy and variety in sentence structure to improve readability and flow. Punctuation, in particular, needs attention to avoid run-on sentences and incomplete sentences.
task achievement
The introduction provides a clear stance on the topic, which sets up the argument for the rest of the essay.
task achievement
The essay contains relevant points about the negative health effects of fast food and the cultural significance of traditional food, which are central to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the writer's opinion, reinforcing the main argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • cultural identity
  • heritage
  • local economy
  • employment
  • family dynamics
  • bonding time
  • carbon footprint
  • non-sustainable farming
  • nutritional value
  • healthcare costs
  • traditional cooking skills
  • cultural diversity
  • packaging
  • on-the-go lifestyle
What to do next:
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