IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Long-haul flights contribute to environmental degradation and use more fuel than automobiles. Rather than restricting the use of cars, we ought to discourage non-essential flying. How much do you concur or disagree?

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in contemporary society, protecting the planet has become a broad concern to the general public, some people believe that Long-haul
flights
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 pollute the environment and consume more fuel than automobiles and ​​rather than reducing the
use
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 of automobiles, we should
instead
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 discourage non-essential flying.
while
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this
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 trend may be reasonable to some extent, I
also
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 suppose that it still has some limitations. in
this
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 essay, I will shed light on my angles. on the one hand, one reason to discourage non-essential
flights
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instead
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 of limiting the
use
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 of cars is that
air
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travel
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 has a much larger environmental impact compared to individual car
use
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. Commercial
flights
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 contribute significantly to greenhouse gas emissions and
air
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 pollution. By promoting alternatives to non-essential
air
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travel
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,
such
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 as video conferencing or train
travel
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, we can help reduce the climate impact of transportation without restricting the flexibility and accessibility provided by personal vehicle
use
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.
on the other hand
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, One potential disadvantage of discouraging non-essential
flights
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 rather than limiting the
use
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 of cars is that it may disproportionately impact certain industries and businesses that rely on flying.
For example
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, the tourism and hospitality sectors,
as well as
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 international business sectors, could experience negative economic effects if non-essential tours are discouraged.
Additionally
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, individuals who rely on
air
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travel
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 for family visits or urgent matters may face increased difficulty and expense in reaching their destinations if non-essential
flights
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 are discouraged. These factors need to be carefully considered when evaluating policies related to discouraging non-essential
flights
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. in conclusion, restricting long-distance fighting is not the only method to reducing the pollution of the environment.
instead
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 of
this
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 people should raise awareness about protecting the habitat
such
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 as by using public transport to limit emissions

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task achievement
While your essay introduces the main points effectively, it would benefit from more detailed supporting examples and elaborations on how these examples reinforce your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow between the paragraphs and ensuring that transitions between ideas are smooth and natural.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and present, providing a good framework for your essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and covers both perspectives on the issue, which demonstrates a good attempt at a balanced argument.
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