IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays, it is getting difficult for people to enjoy their lives in cities. Why do you think this is? What can the government do to make life in cities more enjoyable?

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Enjoyable life in urbanized parts of the world is becoming increasingly challenging these days.
While
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 there are some burning problems associated with the high cost of living and
air
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pollution
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, by investing a vast amount of funding in housing and imposing several laws, states can solve
such
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 issues in the hope of making people’s lives better, in my opinion. It is true that, among numerous difficulties, living standards in urban areas are more expensive in comparison with rural places.
In other words
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, in
cities
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, living costs, including rent, transportation expenses, and grocery bills, are usually significantly higher, making it one of the biggest concerns for those living in
cities
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. In New York City,
for instance
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, the average price of rent is more than $4,000, which is higher than average salaries in some developing countries. Governments in
such
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 places can alleviate
this
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 problematic situation, though. Put simply, they should ensure affordable housing costs by allocating a huge amount of money to building more houses.
This
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 approach can ease the financial burden on low-income families, making residents in
cities
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 happier.
Air
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pollution
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 is another factor keeping city dwellers from enjoying their lives. As we know,
air
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pollution
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 is nowadays the most alarming issue in metropolitan areas since these places are usually filled with cars, resulting in a higher level of
air
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pollution
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. To be more precise, the more people use vehicles on the road, the higher the level of polluted
air
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 will be. The governmental bodies should
also
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 shoulder the responsibility of tackling
this
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 very trouble. Specifically, the government should enact certain policies based on the use of private cars because of the toxic fumes that
such
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 vehicles produce. In Germany,
for example
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, the law related to restrictions regarding the use of personal cars has been implemented, leading to a reduced level of
air
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pollution
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 and a happier society. In conclusion, among many problems of urban life, the main ones are high costs of living and ecological problems. From my perspective, the government should devote a substantial amount of money to building cost-effective houses and implement legislation concerned with car usage to make the lives of
cities
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 better.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your essay follows a clear and logical structure. The ideas are generally well-organized, but there might be room for more effective transitions and cohesive devices.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and they outline the essay well. However, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points more clearly and providing a more decisive statement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The main points are supported, but the support could be expanded through the inclusion of more detailed examples or a wider range of supporting evidence.
Task Achievement
While you have addressed the task with a complete response, ensure that you explore each point fully. The essay could benefit from more in-depth discussion or multiple perspectives on the issues raised.
Task Achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive for the most part, but strive to elaborate on these ideas further to demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
You provided some examples to support your ideas, but they could be more relevant and specific. Aim to provide examples that are directly connected to your main points and help to illustrate them more convincingly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Metropolitan
  • Overpopulation
  • Commuting
  • Infrastructure
  • Cost of living
  • Pollution
  • Green spaces
  • Public services
  • Mental health
  • Work-life balance
  • Quality of life
  • Social cohesion
  • Crime prevention
  • Sustainability
  • Urban planning
  • Recreational areas
  • Public transportation
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