IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some schools have restricted the use of mobile phones. Is this a positve development or a negative development. Give reasons for your answer and include any example from your own knowledge or experience.

#schools #phones #positve #development
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Some individuals are of the opinion that electrical devices
such
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 as smartphones should be banned at school. From my standpoint,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 gravitate
those
Change preposition
toward those
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 who believe blocking
phones
Use synonyms
 in schools is a negative tendency
due to
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 various underlying grounds.
This
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 essay will expound upon
this
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 by providing compelling reasons and practical examples.
To begin
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 with, there are many elements that cause
this
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 act. It is
due to
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 the fact that instructors frequently have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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doubt
Fix the agreement mistake
doubts
show examples
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 their
students
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
apply
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they may use
phones
Use synonyms
 in teachers' classes
instead
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 of
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
show examples
 on studying.
Thus
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, it leads to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 decreasing ability
of learning
Change preposition
to learn
show examples
. In the case of the young generations
relevants
Verb problem
apply
show examples
here where they often ignore lessons
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 classes and play video games on their mobile
phones
Use synonyms
.
However
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, despite that thinking way, using mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 brings numerous advantages to learners. In today's world, thanks to the development of technology,
students
Use synonyms
 can look up information from the internet which
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to interact with advanced knowledge around the world.
Consequently
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,
students
Use synonyms
 can complete themselves more easily than the previous time.
For instance
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, in America,
students
Use synonyms
 who are
sicked
Replace the word
sick
show examples
 could continue to learn the same knowledge
to
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the normal
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 through online learning apps
such
Linking Words
 as Google Meet or Zoom. In conclusion, suspicion is the main reason why
phones
Use synonyms
 have been restricted in some schools.
Nonetheless
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,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 lean toward those who think
this
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 is a negative trend, since completing
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
 more easily than without
phones
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Ensure that your introduction clearly sets the direction for your essay. Mention both sides of the argument briefly before stating your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Work on linking your paragraphs better to enhance the flow of your essay. Transitions between ideas need to be smoother.
task response
Support your points with more specific examples, and ensure that each example directly ties back to the point you are making.
task response
Good attempt at presenting a balanced view before arguing your point.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarises your opinion and main points.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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