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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In the contemporary era, with the evolving societal landscape, some assert that
people
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 have excessive
options
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 in various aspects of their daily lives,
such
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 as technological products, food
choices
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, and recreational activities. From my perspective, I agree with
this
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 viewpoint. There are several indicators that show
individuals
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 have access to a proliferation of consumer goods in their lives compared to the past few decades.
Firstly
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, it is undeniable that the development of technology has brought tremendous changes and
options
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 for everyone.
For instance
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, a wide range of smartphones and household appliances can be chosen, which raises awareness of materialism and contributes to wasteful behaviour.
Moreover
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, in today’s digital age, entertainment
options
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 have transformed significantly. They offer expansive media platforms for modern
people
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,
such
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 as social media, online games, and related apps, leading
individuals
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 to spend more time making
choices
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 rather than truly enjoying and experiencing.
Furthermore
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, from a food standpoint, there are various types of cuisine, contributing to
people
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 feeling overwhelmed and in a dilemma.
This
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, in turn, makes it harder for
individuals
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 to make confident
choices
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.
However
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, it is undeniable that
while
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people
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 have numerous alternative
options
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,
individuals
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also
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 have limited
choices
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 to some extent. Prime examples are healthcare and education, where
individuals
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 and families with lower incomes or who live in remote areas have limited accessibility and affordability.
Nevertheless
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, apart from certain groups, the majority do have an abundance of
options
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 in many aspects. In conclusion,
while
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 in some cases
people
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 have restricted
options
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,
it is clear that
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 in most areas
people
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 have a proliferation of
choices
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, from electronic products to entertainment programs and cuisine selections. These excessive
options
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 raise certain concerns
such
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 as a sense of hesitation and confusion in today's society.

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task achievement
To improve further, try to provide more specific examples to support each main point. For instance, mention specific brands or technological advancements when discussing the proliferation of consumer goods.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph elaborates more on the main point. This way, each point would be more comprehensively discussed and leave a stronger impression on the reader.
coherence cohesion
To reach a higher level of coherence and cohesion, consider adding transitional phrases to better connect ideas within and between paragraphs. For example, use phrases like 'In addition' or 'Consequently' to smoothly transition between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Although your essay flowed well overall, try to further refine the logical progression of ideas by ensuring each paragraph naturally leads to the next. This will help maintain a strong narrative flow.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and contribute effectively to the essay's overall thought process.
coherence cohesion
The essay displays a commendable logical structure and is generally well-organized.
task achievement
Your argument is well-elaborated and follows a clear, coherent pattern, making it easy to understand your viewpoint.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
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