Some believe that the government should support artists like musicians, painters, and poets, while others argue that this is a misuse of funds. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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People
Use synonyms
argue whether taxpayers' money should be spent on supporting artists or not. In
this
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essay, I will elaborate on both points of view and explain why I believe we should invest in it from private rather than public money.
To begin
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with, musicians, painters and poets make our lives more entertaining.
For instance
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, when we have a bad day we like to relax. Namely, listen to the good music or go out for an exhibition. Those activities help us to reset and forget about problems.
Consequently
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, it improves the well-being of society and makes lives much better. If
people
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have the possibility to take part in
such
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events, they will be happier and deal better with daily stress.
On the other hand
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, if the government gives support, it will go to every artist.
For example
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, each bad and skilled worker will get the same help.
Therefore
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, it gives the advantage to apply for a donation even though the artist is not very engaged in their work and wants to use the money for a private use not connected with their profession. I concur that those fields should be supported by individuals exclusively because
then
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there will be a strong selection between engaged and lazy artists.
To conclude
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, I opt for letting
people
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pay for their free time activities fully
instead
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of making an initiative from the government side because it will let some
people
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take an additional benefit from the regulation as they may use it for their cravings.

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task achievement
You introduced both views adequately but could further elaborate on the rationale behind each side to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Consider adding more transitional phrases to ensure a smoother flow between points. For instance, use 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' for adding similar points.
task achievement
While you provide examples, they could be more concrete or drawn from specific scenarios to enhance relatability and relevance.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You express a strong personal opinion that is consistent throughout the essay, which is commendable.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • cultural diversity
  • innovation
  • creativity
  • trickle-down effect
  • national pride
  • artistic independence
  • government funding
  • taxpayer burden
  • compromise integrity
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