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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending.

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending.
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The given chart compares the data on young attendees attending various types of dance courses from a range of
location
Fix the agreement mistake
locations
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 in a town in Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
, the private
studios
Use synonyms
occupies
Change the verb form
occupy
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 the majority of all locations,
while
Linking Words
 dancers who are under
11-year
Correct your spelling
11 years
 old
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 the largest numbers of students. Based on the pie chart, the private
studios
Use synonyms
, as the greatest one of all,
accounts
Correct subject-verb agreement
account
show examples
 for nearly half of
locations
Add an article
the locations
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 of dance classes, with 48%. The second one belongs to the school halls, which
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 up only half of that of private
studios
Use synonyms
. Next comes community halls & other (18%) and college-based
studios
Use synonyms
 (10%).
According to
Linking Words
 the bar chart, people aged under 11 who
paly
Correct your spelling
play
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 ballet
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 600
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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, which is the greatest of all. People aged 11-16
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 300 less than
taht
Correct your spelling
that
 of people aged under 11.
In contrast
Linking Words
, dancing modern class shows an opposite situation. The 11-16 age group has approximately 510 students, which is 210 students more than that of dancers under 11. Regarding
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
 dance
classe
Correct your spelling
classes
class
, both age group has
a
Change the article
an
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 insignificant difference.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words studios with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • distribution
  • attendance
  • community centers
  • dance schools
  • private studios
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • ballroom
  • analysis
  • popularity
  • accessibility
  • cost
  • cultural trends
  • media influences
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