IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending.

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending.
#information #location #dance #classes #people #town #australia
The given chart compares the data on young attendees attending various types of dance courses from a range of
location
Fix the agreement mistake
locations
show examples
 in a town in Australia.
Overall
, the private
studios
occupies
Change the verb form
occupy
show examples
 the majority of all locations,
while
 dancers who are under
11-year
Correct your spelling
11 years
 old
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 the largest numbers of students. Based on the pie chart, the private
studios
, as the greatest one of all,
accounts
Correct subject-verb agreement
account
show examples
 for nearly half of
locations
Add an article
the locations
show examples
 of dance classes, with 48%. The second one belongs to the school halls, which
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 up only half of that of private
studios
. Next comes community halls & other (18%) and college-based
studios
 (10%).
According to
 the bar chart, people aged under 11 who
paly
Correct your spelling
play
show examples
 ballet
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 600
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
, which is the greatest of all. People aged 11-16
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 300 less than
taht
Correct your spelling
that
 of people aged under 11.
In contrast
, dancing modern class shows an opposite situation. The 11-16 age group has approximately 510 students, which is 210 students more than that of dancers under 11. Regarding
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
 dance
classe
Correct your spelling
classes
class
, both age group has
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 insignificant difference.
Submitted by 842623369 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words studios with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • distribution
  • attendance
  • community centers
  • dance schools
  • private studios
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • ballroom
  • analysis
  • popularity
  • accessibility
  • cost
  • cultural trends
  • media influences
What to do next:
Look at other essays: