IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to be happy in life is to have a lot of money.How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

#people #life #money
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Part of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that a
lot
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 of
money
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bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 happiness in
life
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 because it can provide luxurious
life
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 to
inviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 with high status in society.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I feel having a self-satisfactory attitude and
be
Wrong verb form
being
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 grateful in every
situations
Change to a singular noun
situation
show examples
 can really
put
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a positive impact
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people's
Change preposition
on people's
show examples
 lives. 
 There is no doubt that
people
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 really get excited with a
lot
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 of
money
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 because they can live expensive
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as they can buy high-rated brands, multiple cars, big
manson
Correct your spelling
mansion
mansions
 house.
Therefore
Linking Words
, all these things offer them comfort more than enough and they feel like
King
Correct article usage
a King
show examples
 or Queen.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
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 with a
lot
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 of
money
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also
Linking Words
 uplift their status in society
becaus eother
Correct your spelling
because others
 start
give
Fix the infinitive
to give
show examples
 them respect after watching their
lucurious
Correct your spelling
luxurious
lifesyle
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
.
Other
Fix the agreement mistake
Others
show examples
 respect them so that they can get help from
roch
Correct your spelling
rich
people
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some day
Correct your spelling
someday
show examples
.
That is
Linking Words
 why, they always try to please the
wealty
Correct your spelling
wealthy
people
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. Eventually, wealthy
inviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
show examples
 a
lot
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 of attention from others. 

However
Linking Words
, I feel a feeling of self-satisfaction can make
people
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 happy. All they have to accept the fact that everyone on
this
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 earth is unique and every individual has
different
Correct article usage
a different
show examples
 destiny, talent and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
way of living. So, all they have to do is be glad where they are right now, rather
comparing
Change preposition
than comparing
show examples
 themselves with rich individuals.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can make their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 even more cheerful with gratitude. If individuals start being grateful for every small
things
Change to a singular noun
thing
show examples
 in their
life
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 like food, shelter, good health, family and many more, they would realise that they are living the best
life
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.
For instance
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, I personally start my day with a prayer to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
God I thank God for everything.
This
Linking Words
 particular prayer really
uplift
Change the verb form
uplifts
show examples
 my mood and I feel happy all day
along
Correct your spelling
alone
show examples
. 
 In conclusion, there is no denying that
money
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 can give
people
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 materialistic happiness in
life
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, but having a positive attitude and
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 thankful for small things can make
people
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fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 from
inside
Correct article usage
the inside
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, which
in other words
Linking Words
called
Add a missing verb
is called
show examples
 "inner happiness".
Submitted by ksamandeep03 on

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grammar
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar to ensure clarity and accuracy. For example, 'bring' should be 'brings', and 'big manson house' should be 'big mansion'.
examples
Provide more specific and varied examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and display a wider range of language use.
structure
The essay maintains a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids readability.
engagement
The essay includes a personal anecdote about starting the day with prayer, which demonstrates the writer's engagement with the topic and provides a personal touch.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial security
  • Basic needs
  • Comfort
  • Luxury
  • Freedom
  • Altruistic
  • Philanthropy
  • Nurturing relationships
  • Fulfillment
  • Sense of accomplishment
  • Physical well-being
  • Spiritual beliefs
  • Community involvement
  • Gratitude
  • Mindfulness
  • Simple pleasures
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