IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say the main way to be happy in the life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

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Part of
people
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 believe that a
lot
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 of
money
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 brings happiness in
life
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 because it can provide luxurious
life
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 to
individuals
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 with high status in society.
Nevertheless
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, having a self-satisfactory attitude and being grateful in every situation can really have a positive impact on
people
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's lives. 
 There is no doubt that
people
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 really get excited with a
lot
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 of
money
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 because they can live expensive lives
such
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 as they can buy high-rated brands, multiple cars, big mansion house.
Therefore
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, all these things offer them comfort more than enough and they feel like a King or Queen.
Moreover
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,
people
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 with a
lot
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 of
money
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also
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 uplift their status in society because others start to give them respect after watching their luxurious lifestyle. Others respect them so that they can get help from rich
people
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 someday.
That is
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 why, they always try to please
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wealthy
people
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. Eventually, wealthy
individuals
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 get a
lot
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 of attention from others. 

However
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, a feeling of self-satisfaction can make
people
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 happy. All they have to accept the fact that everyone on
this
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 earth is unique and every individual has a different destiny, talent and way of living. So, all they have to do is be glad where they are right now, rather than comparing themselves with rich
individuals
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.
Moreover
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,
people
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 can make their lives even more cheerful with gratitude. If
individuals
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 start being grateful for every small thing in their
life
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 like food, shelter, good health, family and many more, they
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 realise that they are living the best
life
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.
For instance
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, I personally start my day with a prayer to God I thank God for everything.
This
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 particular prayer really uplifts my mood and I feel happy all day alone. 
 In conclusion, there is no denying that
money
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 can give
people
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 materialistic happiness in
life
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, but having a positive attitude and being thankful for small things can make
people
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 fulfil from the inside, which
in other words
Linking Words
 is called "inner happiness".

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comprehensive ideas
To raise your responses to a higher level, expand on your current points with further detailed examples. Additionally, tying your conclusion to the main points presented more explicitly can make your argument more clear and compelling.
language accuracy
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, use "high-end brands" instead of "high-rated brands" and "big mansion" instead of "big mansion house". Review your work for these types of small errors that can detract from clarity.
task response
You successfully present a clear and coherent response to both parts of the question, which directly addresses the task at hand.
structure
Your essay has a logical structure with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each idea flows smoothly into the next, aiding readability and comprehension.
examples and support
You make good use of supporting details and examples, such as your personal experience with gratitude, to illustrate your points and bring them to life.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial security
  • Basic needs
  • Comfort
  • Luxury
  • Freedom
  • Altruistic
  • Philanthropy
  • Nurturing relationships
  • Fulfillment
  • Sense of accomplishment
  • Physical well-being
  • Spiritual beliefs
  • Community involvement
  • Gratitude
  • Mindfulness
  • Simple pleasures
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