IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays many people choose to be self employed, rather than to work for a company or oragnisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

No one can deny that
people
Use synonyms
 choosing to be self-employed nowadays is an important issue. It has both positive and negative aspects. In
this
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 essay, the two viewpoints will be argued. On the one hand, many
people
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 believe that
work
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 to be self-employed has many benefits.The initial to consider
people
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 working self-employed is essential for the physical, psychological, financial aspects and social relation sides. Take
for example
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, for body, if we love
work
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 self, we will get comfortable, power and energy.
Moreover
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, for mood, when we
work
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 in business, we can get a lot of money.
Also
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, without working hard, we can not create
people
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 in the workshop.
In addition
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, it was wonderful to generate famous products and
then
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 get a lot
Change preposition
of
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salary for them.
Furthermore
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, choosing to
work
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 with you're self can teach different types of periods.
For instance
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,
people
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work
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 in healthcare to assist poor
people
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. The study says in Kuwait
people
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 prefer to choose
work
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 self to be the best and
also
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 the cost of money.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 some disadvantages. The most critical is that there was a fall slight salary for a company or organisation of citizens in the country. The number of cases has risen in recent years for
people
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 who
work
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 in organisations and companies. The best example of
work
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 in a company is the very hard
work
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 of women and men.
Also
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, for mood. If we
work
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 all the time, we can not do an amazing job. To elaborate, working in a company doesn't give power and is comfortable for workers should get their high cost and encourages
people
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. In conclusion,
people
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 working hard to be self-employed are better. From my own personal point of
view
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view,
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 a lot of
people
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 need more information.
People
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 should save their lives.

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task achievement
Try to provide clearer and more specific examples to support your points. This will help in making your arguments stronger and more relevant to the topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas follow a logical sequence. It would be beneficial to outline your essay before writing to enhance the logical flow of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing your introduction and conclusion to effectively summarize your main points. This will help in giving your essay a clear beginning and ending.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt at discussing both viewpoints and presenting a balanced argument, which is essential for a Task 2 essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear division between different paragraphs, which maintains a basic level of organization.
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