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Band 5.5

Nowadays many people choose to be self employed, rather than to work for a company or oragnisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

#people #self #work #company #oragnisation #be #case
No one can deny that
people
 choosing to be self-employed nowadays is an important issue. It has both positive and negative aspects. In
this
 essay, the two viewpoints will be argued. On the one hand, many
people
 believe that
work
 to be self-employed has many benefits.The initial to consider
people
 working self-employed is essential for the physical, psychological, financial aspects and social relation sides. Take
for example
, for body, if we love
work
 self, we will get comfortable, power and energy.
Moreover
, for mood, when we
work
 in business, we can get a lot of money.
Also
, without working hard, we can not create
people
 in the workshop.
In addition
, it was wonderful to generate famous products and
then
 get a lot
Change preposition
of
show examples
salary for them.
Furthermore
, choosing to
work
 with you're self can teach different types of periods.
For instance
,
people
work
 in healthcare to assist poor
people
. The study says in Kuwait
people
 prefer to choose
work
 self to be the best and
also
 the cost of money.
On the other hand
, there are
also
 some disadvantages. The most critical is that there was a fall slight salary for a company or organisation of citizens in the country. The number of cases has risen in recent years for
people
 who
work
 in organisations and companies. The best example of
work
 in a company is the very hard
work
 of women and men.
Also
, for mood. If we
work
 all the time, we can not do an amazing job. To elaborate, working in a company doesn't give power and is comfortable for workers should get their high cost and encourages
people
. In conclusion,
people
 working hard to be self-employed are better. From my own personal point of
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
 a lot of
people
 need more information.
People
 should save their lives.
Submitted by shaikhaalrashidi24 on

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task achievement
Try to provide clearer and more specific examples to support your points. This will help in making your arguments stronger and more relevant to the topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas follow a logical sequence. It would be beneficial to outline your essay before writing to enhance the logical flow of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing your introduction and conclusion to effectively summarize your main points. This will help in giving your essay a clear beginning and ending.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt at discussing both viewpoints and presenting a balanced argument, which is essential for a Task 2 essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear division between different paragraphs, which maintains a basic level of organization.

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