Children are facing more pressure from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of such pressure? What measures can be taken to reduce it?
With the technological advancement over the past century, humans are getting access to more data.
This
can be in the form of data and communication; from new information being added into syllabuses to adverts being shown on TV. Some people believe the consumption of such
a vast amount of information can result in children
feeling pressured.
There are many instances where a child is learning more than what their parents were taught at school
. For example
, coding. A few decades ago, learning to code was something that was taught at university - now it is taught as a language in primary schools. This
is an inevitable feat, as computers are slowly being fitted into all devices and the use of AI is becoming the norm. With the advancements in technology, future inventors will have an advantage as coding will be second nature to them. Furthermore
, even if they do not pursue a career in tech, they are able to mend broken appliances at home or run diagnostic tests without the need to call an engineer. Although
this
may be considered a life skill, it can cause the child to feel pressured.
Children
are also
interacting with more people than ever before. In the past, they would see their friends at school
and maybe play games for a while
after school
before being called in to have dinner and do homework. Nowadays, they aren't ever entirely switched off. They can come home from school
and log onto a gaming site where they will be able to communicate with even more individuals. Moreover
, they can also
have access to social media such
as Snapchat to talk to friends or Omegle to talk to random people around the world. Constant communication is not natural and can add to the pressure
they may feel.
Finally
, commercial pressure
is one of the most dangerous types. Children
are being fed ads in all aspects of their lives - whilst watching TV, whilst using the internet, even when talking to friends. In comparison, during the 90's, children
would see ads primarily whilst watching TV and maybe in a few posters. Now there is exponentially more content to consume which leads to pressure
.
I believe there are ways around this
. There should be moderation in the ads that are targeted to anyone under the age of 10. There should also
be stricter rules about children
joining social media. In terms of academics, there is an argument for the increased content in the syllabus, however
, it can be taught in a way that relieves pressure
on students instead
.Submitted by patelmeera on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure to stay focused on the topic of the essay from start to finish. Some parts of the essay stray from discussing how to reduce pressure on children to the benefits of being tech-savvy. Staying on topic will make the essay more cohesive and focused.
task achievement
Occasionally the essay introduces points that would benefit from further development. For example, the essay states that commercial pressure is one of the most dangerous types but does not elaborate fully on why. Providing more detailed explanations will strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion could benefit from summarizing the main points made in the essay and restating the importance of mitigating pressures on children. This will give the essay a more rounded and complete feel.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant and specific examples to support the main points, such as coding being taught at primary schools and children communicating online through gaming sites and social media.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with clear paragraphing and logical flow from one idea to the next. The reader can easily follow the arguments made.
coherence cohesion
There is a strong introduction and conclusion present, which frame the essay well and give it a complete structure.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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