IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that climate change could have a negative effect on business. Other people think that climate change could create more business opportunities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #climate #change #effect #business #opportunities
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Climate
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change
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 has been a topic of debate in recent years.
Although
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 it is sometimes thought that the
climate
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change
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 crisis impacts
businesses
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 negatively, other
people
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 believe that more business opportunities would be provided
due to
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this
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 issue. I consider that
climate
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change
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 has numerous detrimental effects on
businesses
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such
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 as shortage of workforce and lower yields. On the one hand, many
people
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 think that the detrimental impacts of
climate
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change
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 on companies should not be ignored. At present, adverse weather conditions including floods ,hurricanes and snowstorms, which are results of
climate
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change
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, make the working environment so dangerous for workers.
This
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 ,
consequently
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, leads to a low rate of
people
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 who are inclined to work in these circumstances.
As a result
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, the
businesses
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 would suffer from the shortage of workforce.
Moreover
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, for
businesses
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such
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 as agriculture that heavily depend on weather and natural resources, their yields would be affected and they would have a poor harvest. Taking Iran as an example, because of the drying up of the Zayandehrood River, the majority of agriculture can not reap yields at the highest level.
On the other hand
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, it is sometimes believed that
climate
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change
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 offers numerous opportunities for companies.
In other words
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, since nowadays a lot of
people
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's health has been affected significantly because of the
climate
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 crisis, new environmentally friendly products should be produced by companies in terms of reducing the severity of
this
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 issue, which creates many business opportunities.
For example
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, global carmakers are transitioning to electric vehicles.
In addition
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, many organisations can grab the opportunity to provide whatever is needed.
For instance
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, since the weather temperature has been soaring day after day, products which can cool the air are in high demand and
thus
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 a lot of factories are being constructed to produce them. In conclusion,
while
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people
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 may vary in their opinions, I think that the detrimental effects of
climate
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change
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such
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 as the shortage of workers and poor harvest should be considered.
Submitted by parismasoumzadeh7495 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, demonstrating a well-structured response. The points are connected logically and clarify the writer's arguments. However, arguments could be supported with stronger or more specific examples, contributing to a richer narrative.
task achievement
You provided a complete response to the task, discussing both positive and negative impact, and giving your opinion. At times, the ideas seem slightly generalized statements rather than drilling down into specific details. While you use some specific examples, expanding this throughout and getting into the nuances of your argument would improve overall clarity and comprehension.
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