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Band 5.5

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #amount #crime
In
this
 contemporary epoch, it is commonly observed that the ratio of crimes is increasing rapidly. There are numerous reasons behind
this
 scenario
such
 as high unemployment rates
along with
the
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inflation
,
however
, it is necessary to deal with these troubles to maintain stability in society.
To begin
 with, the most prominent reason is the proliferation of the unemployed population in most nations. Highly qualified people are not able to find jobs because
references
Change preposition
of references
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 and links that
works
Change the verb form
work
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 better to get employment
thus
, youth get disappointed
due to
such
 racism factors and get attracted towards crimes
such
 as theft, murder, or robberies.
Moreover
,
inflation
 is another key factor that plays a vital role in generating more criminals in society because the prices of basic commodities are
also
 extremely high and are out of the budget of
public
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the public
show examples
.
Therefore
, being unable to meet the demands of their family members humans might follow the wrong trajectory and come up as criminals in society. There are relentless options available to control the issue of the increasing number of offences in the surrounding. The primary one is setting strict roles for the individuals and if any laws are broken people should be fined or imprisoned.
Furthermore
, the right to equality should be followed strictly in
inside
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all countries. Jobs should be provided as per the qualification and family ownership should be given less importance.
Moreover
, some subsidies on food items should be made available for poor people
due to
inflation
 they cannot fulfil their basic needs and are seen as law offenders.
To conclude
, as per the matrimonial mentioned above it is crystal clear that unemployment and
inflation
 are the vital causes of disturbance in the nations and the government needs to act strictly to deal with them,
otherwise
, the repercussions could be disastrous.
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task achievement
Provide more concrete examples to support your arguments. For instance, mentioning specific countries or cases where unemployment led to crime would strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Breaking down complex ideas into simpler sentences can help improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow the argument.
task achievement
The causes of crime and potential solutions were comprehensively addressed, covering multiple aspects such as unemployment and inflation.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparity
  • propensity
  • recidivism
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitative
  • judicial system
  • corruption
  • socioeconomic
  • alienation
  • stigmatization
  • decriminalization
  • enforcement
  • gentrification
  • preemptive measures
  • intervention strategies
What to do next:
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