IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries,there is a growing gap between the technical skills of younger people and those over the age of fifty. What problems does this cause, and what solutions could minimise the problems?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Start now →
Introduction
It is true that the technical skill
gap
Use synonyms
betewn
Correct your spelling
between
 adult
people
Use synonyms
 and older
people
Use synonyms
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 so
difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
. The are a variety of
posible
Correct your spelling
possible
 reasons for
this
Linking Words
, but steps can
definitly
Correct your spelling
definitely
 be taken to tackle the problem.
Body · 1
In my opinion, three main factors are to increase the
gap
Use synonyms
betewn
Correct your spelling
between
 the
yonger
Correct your spelling
younger
 and older
people
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a new
devolpment
Correct your spelling
development
 in tech every
years
Change to a singular noun
year
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
:
ai
Correct your spelling
AI
show examples
 machines that
work
Use synonyms
 in autopilot
seystem
Correct your spelling
systems
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
need expert
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 to deal with it.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
Use synonyms
 are solw to learn new things
becouse
Correct your spelling
because
 when
people
Use synonyms
geting
Correct your spelling
get
 over 50 years there
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
 and cells functional not
work
Use synonyms
will
Correct your spelling
well
show examples
 like adults.
Finally
Linking Words
, when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
Use synonyms
are not
Change the verb form
are not working
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 like the adult they may
be feel
Change the verb form
feel
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Unwanted so they
Use synonyms
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
progres
Correct your spelling
progress
.
Body · 2
The
techincal
Correct your spelling
technical
 skill
gap
Use synonyms
betewn
Correct your spelling
between
 the older and
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
ceraintly
Correct your spelling
certainly
 be improve. I believe that the change must
strat
Correct your spelling
start
show examples
 with Put a new
sesteym
Correct your spelling
system
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 old
people
Use synonyms
 to learn like
let
Wrong verb form
letting
show examples
him
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 know how to use
computer
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
 and new
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
complex
work
Use synonyms
 that needs
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of skills
Use synonyms
dont
Wrong verb form
doesn't
show examples
 make him
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
do it
becuse
Correct your spelling
because
 when they think they
Use synonyms
dont
Verb problem
aren't
show examples
 able to do it they feel bad for
thimslefs
Correct your spelling
themselves
 and they
Use synonyms
dont progres
Correct your spelling
don't progress
. At the same time, they should to
respct
Correct your spelling
respect
 them and make
him
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 happy in the
Use synonyms
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 to feel better and improve .
Conclusion
In conclusion, the
gap
Use synonyms
 will continue to
incraese
Correct your spelling
increase
unlees
Correct your spelling
unless
 the companies put
new
Change preposition
in new
show examples
sestyem
Correct your spelling
system
 to solve the
gap
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
make
him
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 in jobs
fitt
Correct your spelling
fit
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 body
pyhiscal
Correct your spelling
physical
 and make the
Use synonyms
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
good mode
fo
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
 them.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that transitions between ideas are smoother. Use linking words and phrases effectively to show the relationship between different points.
task achievement
For a better task response, elaborate more on the problems and solutions. Provide greater detail and develop ideas further to show clear and comprehensive understanding.
language accuracy
Ensure you proofread your work to correct spelling and grammatical errors. This will help improve clarity and readability.
lexical resource
Try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to enhance the quality of your writing.
task achievement
You have identified clear problems and solutions related to the technical skill gap between younger and older people.
logical structure
Your essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps with coherence.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: