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Band 6.5

With a growing population, many people believe that we should focus on producing more GM food. What are the advantages and disadvantages of doing this

#population #people #focus #gm #food
These days, a massive issue is overpopulation which has an effect on the source of
food
, so a group of people think we ought to focus on producing more
GM
foods
.
However
, there are some benefits of using
GM
foods
,but I still believe that these cannot overshadow the drawbacks. On the one hand,
GM
foods
 which have been altered in their DNA have several merits which can help society.
Firstly
, we can increase the number of manufacturers in
this
 way.
For instance
, the real vegetable seeds in one region have 100 Kg of products, yet alternative seeds in the same districts have more than 500 Kg of
food
.
Secondly
, these products are resistant to bad soil and weather;
moreover
, the time that are fresh is the longest.
On the other hand
,
GM
 dishes have various bad points.
Initially
, most of the time these dishes do have not real taste and people prefer to buy real things which are costly
instead
 of them. To illustrate,
GM
 rice is tasteless;
thereafter
, Asian inhabitants prefer to use our rice as flavour.
Also
, another thing these
foods
 have a bad result on our
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
due to
 the fact our body accepts some DNA;
nevertheless
,
GM
food
 has changed their DNA;
as a result
, our body cannot acknowledge
this
 thing;
besides
, it defends itself from
this
 and we feel ill.
To conclude
,
GM
foods
 help governments to solve the famine matter;
although
, the demerits of
this
food
 can eclipse the good point because these dishes are not good goods for global citizens.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic well, but try to develop your points with more specific and detailed examples. This will help you demonstrate a better understanding and increase your score in task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs to achieve better coherence and cohesion. This will make your essay flow more logically and be easier for the reader to follow.
coherence cohesion
Focus on providing clearer linking sentences and better structuring of paragraphs. This can enhance the logical structure of your essay, making it more readable and effective.
overall
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to demonstrate your language proficiency. This will improve the overall quality of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is commendable.
task achievement
You have made an effort to discuss both advantages and disadvantages, which shows a balanced approach.
task achievement
Good attempt at providing relevant examples to support your points, which is important for a higher score.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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