IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Environmental protection should be the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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In recent years, the
environment
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 has affected human life a lot. There are many opinions that governments should be in charge of protecting the
environment
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,
while
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 each person does not try to find methods to preserve nature because they are not big enough to do these things. From my perspective, I disagree with
this
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 statement to some extent, which will be discussed in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, each individual tries to look for approaches that lead to the whole community doing it. That shows the spirit of solidarity and the collectivity of people as well.
Therefore
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, every small action which protects the
environment
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 will raise awareness of civilisation. If residents put their trash in the right place, their neighbours will do the same because of their self-esteem.
For example
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, children absorb adults' actions and words very quickly in the new era so they will throw rubbish in the bin as long as they see an adult do it.
On the other hand
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, citizens will benefit from a clean
environment
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, not politicians. They will breathe fresh air
instead
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 of the surrounding pollution.
In addition
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, human life will be more prosperous and happier because they do not have to pay more attention to the
environment
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. In an analysis, the Finnish have been the happiest people in the world because they live in favourable climatic conditions. In conclusion, protecting the
environment
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 is not the responsibility of a certain individual;
however
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, it is the task of the whole society.
Therefore
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, people should be conscious of environmental protection.

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task achievement
While your argument is clear, the essay would benefit from a stronger thesis statement in the introduction to clearly outline your position and main points. This helps in providing a more complete response to the task.
task achievement
Strive to elaborate more on your main points. For instance, you could develop the argument about individual actions leading to collective efforts by providing additional examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea, and use topic sentences to guide the reader. This enhances the logical structure and helps in the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The transition between paragraphs can be improved. Using linking words and phrases helps guide the reader through your essay smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame your essay. You clearly state your stance on the issue and summarize your points, which adds to the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
You provide a specific example about children learning from adults, which helps in making your argument more concrete and relatable.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental protection
  • responsibility
  • politicians
  • individuals
  • large-scale
  • policies
  • regulations
  • impact
  • corporations
  • environmentally friendly practices
  • resources
  • expertise
  • collective efforts
  • difference
  • combination
  • crucial
  • effective
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