IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Population in cities is growing rapidly. What are the effects of it? What solutions can you give to maintain a good quality of life in urban areas?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
currentIncurrent
Correct your spelling
current
 society, increasing the number of citizens is causing several drawbacks, in order to keep the standard of dwellers in city areas, I
decide
Change the form of the verb
decided
show examples
 to give both comments about the solutions On the one hand, pollution growth leads to volume of traffic increases in both public and private transport. That causes the rise in carbon dioxide emissions, the main reason air pollution affects our
breaths
Fix the agreement mistake
breath
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 can cause cancer, and traffic congestion, which results
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time-consuming for workers and students, especially during rush hours.
moreover
Linking Words
, the rise in residents must related to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 the living costs because the services for basic needs
such
Linking Words
 as house, electricity, food and water become more expensive since the demands are far higher than the supplies.
for example
Linking Words
, in Hanoi, the capital of Vietnam, which has a large population, the cost of electricity is double that in
Correct article usage
the countrysidecountrysides
show examples
countrysidecountrysides
Correct your spelling
countryside-countrysides
.
this
Linking Words
 problem leads to the situation that people have to earn higher incomes to respond to life demands, which the price of
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
roars dramatically
on the other hand
Linking Words
, to prevent all the negative matters mentioned above, I am going to give some useful ways.
first,
Linking Words
the government should introduce policies to promote and support the movement of factories, universities and hospitals to rural areas. Not only that they
also
Linking Words
 need to construct and develop important infrastructures,
for instance
Linking Words
, improve electricity lines and update roads so that citizens are more willing to leave cities to start their new life in other spacious places and bring the hope that they would have a better life.
second,
Linking Words
promoting the use of electric means of transport could decrease the toxic exhausts from vehicles powered by fossil fuels. by encouraging in use of friendly electric resources
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 solar power and wind power, the atmosphere becomes fresher, enhances our health and lessens diseases In conclusion, the growth of the population causes various detrimental problems in both physical and mental health and costs a lot of money.
That is
Linking Words
 why the government have to give policies
as
Correct word choice
that
show examples
removes
Correct subject-verb agreement
remove
show examples
 important buildings
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 rural areas and
heightens
Correct subject-verb agreement
heighten
show examples
 facilities in wide open spaces.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your introduction introduces the topic but could be clearer and more direct. Simplify and clarify your opening sentence to set a strong foundation for your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your paragraphs are well-structured. Each paragraph should present one main idea clearly supported by explanations or examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve the clarity and grammar of your sentences. For example, instead of saying, 'the rise in residents must related to increase the living costs,' consider, 'the rise in residents leads to increased living costs.'
task response
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points. For instance, detail how government policies have succeeded or failed in different contexts. This will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Refine your conclusion to accurately summarize the entire essay. Make sure it clearly restates the main points and gives a final thought or solution.
task response
You demonstrated a good understanding of the topic and provided relevant points regarding the effects of rapid urban population growth.
task response
You suggested practical solutions like promoting the movement of important infrastructures to rural areas and encouraging the use of electric transport, which are valid and insightful.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion both addressed the main topic, helping to frame your essay effectively, even though they need some refinement.
task response
Your examples, like the cost of electricity in Hanoi, provided concrete details that added depth to your points.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Overcrowding
  • Infrastructure strain
  • Public services
  • Housing shortages
  • Living costs
  • Pollution
  • Environmental degradation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Job market saturation
  • Unemployment
  • Urbanization
  • Sustainable development
  • Green spaces
  • Public transport efficiency
  • Affordable housing
  • Waste management
  • Renewable energy
  • Quality of life
  • Economic opportunities
  • Healthcare accessibility
What to do next:
Look at other essays: