IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It must be a woman who stays at home to care for children. Men are not suited to this kind of work. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#woman #home #care #children #men #work
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People
varies
Change the verb form
vary
show examples
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their opinion about whether
mother's
Change the noun form
mothers
mother
show examples
 are well able to take care of their
children
,
whereas
 fathers are not suitable for it. From ancient times, women were recognised as good home
keeper
Fix the agreement mistake
keepers
show examples
 and
carer
Fix the agreement mistake
carers
show examples
 and men were the
earner
Fix the agreement mistake
earners
show examples
.
However
, I
am partially agree
Change the verb form
partially agree
show examples
 with the above statement which I will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
discuss in the upcoming paragraphs. The first and foremost reason to be aware of the given issue is that women are considered more attached to their
children
 as they carry the baby with them for 9 months in their womb. So she knows the needs of the
children
 and
fulfills
Change the spelling
fulfils
show examples
 them .
For example
, it's only the
mother's
Change noun form
mother
show examples
 who can feed the baby at the early stages of life.
Hence
, a
woman
 can listen to their
child's
Change noun form
child
show examples
 without being spoken to by them.
Furthermore
, if a
woman
 is working, she gets maternity leave so she can be more productive
while
 bringing up a baby, and she is earning too. As every
companies
Change to a singular noun
company
show examples
 nowadays provides leave to the
mother
,
that is
 totally paid.
Therefore
, females possess more good nurture as compared to
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
.
In addition
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, females somehow get it from their mothers' instructions on how to create
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 environment for their
children
 to enhance their skills at home, as
children
's
mother
Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
show examples
called
Wrong verb form
call
show examples
 them their first
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
.
On the other hand
, man can do that work up to some extent,
such
 as when
children
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 old enough to feed themself when they
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not rely on their
mother
 to feed them. So, men are
also
 able to do that job.
For example
,
man
Correct article usage
a man
show examples
 can help
woman
Add an article
a woman
the woman
show examples
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 her chores or
also
treating
Wrong verb form
treat
show examples
this
 as
equal
Add an article
an equal
show examples
 job
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a
woman
.
As a result
, men can lend a hand in
home
Correct article usage
the home
show examples
 care of
children
. In conclusion, the above
statment
Correct your spelling
statement
contains
Verb problem
is
show examples
 more in favour
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 women
are
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 efficient in caring
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
while
 somehow it depends on their situation too if they both are working
then
 they can share
this
 job
accordingly
.
Submitted by kc004639 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

advice
Overall, the essay addresses the topic well and provides a balanced view on the subject. However, there are several areas where improvements can be made: 1. **Grammar and Sentence Structure**: There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases that may confuse the reader. Work on improving sentence structure and grammar to enhance readability. 2. **Clarity of Ideas**: While the essay contains sufficient content and relevant examples, some ideas are not clearly expressed. Aim for more clarity and precision in your arguments. 3. **Transitions**: Improve the use of transition words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly. This will improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay significantly. 4. **Introduction and Conclusion**: Both the introduction and conclusion can be strengthened to make your essay more impactful. Make sure the introduction clearly outlines the essay's main points and the conclusion succinctly summarizes the key arguments. 5. **Vocabulary**: Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to make your essay more engaging and expressive. By working on these areas, you can improve the overall quality of your essay and achieve a higher score.
task response
You have provided a balanced perspective on the topic, acknowledging both sides of the argument. This shows a good understanding of the question and contributes to a well-rounded task response.
task response
Your essay includes relevant examples to support your main points, which adds credibility and depth to your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender roles
  • Empathy
  • Nurturing
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Caregiving
  • Paternal leave
  • Equality
  • Stereotype
  • Societal norms
  • Dual-income families
  • Stay-at-home dads
  • Cultural evolution
  • Economic considerations
  • Skill sets
  • Traditional roles
What to do next:
Look at other essays: