IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

#people #government #money #arts
Some
people
 believe that the authorities are spending a lot of money on the
arts
 and that
this
 budget might be invested more effectively in other fields. In
this
 essay,
however
, I will challenge
this
 school of thought. One could argue that the
arts
 do not create as much money as another field as the economy.
Nevertheless
,
this
 line of reasoning is not sound because the
arts
 indirectly have plenty of economic value.
For example
, performances,
such
 as the Eras tour in
Singapore
, not only were one of the parts that helped Taylor Swift become a billionaire but
also
 supported
Singapore
 in attracting a lot of
people
 from many nations, especially Asians, who are Taylor Swift’s fans. When they went to
Singapore
, they spent on seeing shows, travelling and shopping. Thanks to tourist expenditure, tourism was encouraged to develop. Investing in Erras Tour was a way that
Singapore
's government developed its economy.
In addition
, artists who were trained and won in the international competition might receive prize money. To add
further
 credence to my assertion, I note the mental values of the
arts
. Art is a means that helps
people
 reduce stress. When facing pressure, many
people
 go to museums, theatres or cinemas to find a peaceful sense. In another field, ancient structures help local
people
 understand their country's history and recall patriotism which is a foundation to which they contribute to their hometown. Developing art
also
 creates a good view of the international travellers and up-grades national positions in the world. In conclusion,
this
 is a mistake to assume that investing in the
arts
 is an unproductive decision because it could enrich tourism, promote the economy and create mental value.
Submitted by phuongdong.nguyentran on

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task response
To enhance your score in task response, ensure that your ideas directly address the question throughout the essay. While your points are clear, you could strengthen your agreement or disagreement by presenting contrasting views briefly before refuting them to outline your stance more vividly.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, focus on improving the flow between paragraphs with more explicit linking phrases ('Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' 'As a result,') and clear topic sentences that guide the reader through your argument. This will make your points more persuasive and your essay easier to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
What to do next:
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