IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that enjoying the present is more important than planning for the future for both countries and individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #future #countries #individuals
Some
people
 believe that living in the moment is more essential than planning for the
future
 for both countries and individuals.
While
 enjoying the present can make
people
 satisfied immediately, I believe planning for the
future
 can bring us
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
long-term success and stability. For individuals, living the presents can lead to a happier life,
such
 as spending quality time with
beloved
Correct your spelling
loved
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 ones, taking spontaneous
trip
Fix the agreement mistake
trips
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, pursuing
hobby
Fix the agreement mistake
hobbies
show examples
, and other things that can make us delighted.
This
 kind of activity can contribute to our less
stress
Replace the word
stressful
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 experiences and
overall
 well-being.
However
,
this
 approach has its limitations.
People
 need to prepare their
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
future
 to face
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
significant challenges
such
 as financial ability, career progress, and health issues.
Similarly
, for countries, focusing on the present can make a short-term gain, but may
be
Change the verb form
result
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result
Add the preposition
result in
result from
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a long-term problems
Correct the article-noun agreement
long-term problems
a long-term problem
show examples
.
For instance
, a country that spends excessively on present-day consumption without investing in sustainable energy sources might face severe environmental and economic consequences in the
future
.
On the other hand
, an over-focus on the
future
 can bring
people
 full of anxiety and
curious
Replace the word
curiosity
show examples
. The
worriness
Correct your spelling
worries
 can lead to missing the present and opportunities.
Similarly
, the government that only
plan
Correct subject-verb agreement
plans
show examples
 for the
future
 can miss the current needs and welfare of the citizens.
Therefore
, a balanced approach that values both present enjoyment and
future
 planning is crucial.
Overall
, a balanced approach that incorporates mindful present living with thoughtful
future
 planning can lead to a more fulfilling and secure life for individuals and a more prosperous and resilient society for countries.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
While the essay is generally well-structured, providing more specific examples can strengthen the argument. For example, citing a specific country that has balanced present enjoyment with future planning would provide a stronger support for your points.
coherence cohesion
There are minor grammatical issues and awkward phrasings that can be improved. For example, use 'living in the present' instead of 'living the presents'. Also, 'full of anxiety and curious' should be 'full of anxiety and curiosity'.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively summarize your position.
coherence cohesion
The main points are logically organized, making your argument clear and easy to follow.
task achievement
You have a well-rounded argument that acknowledges both sides of the issue, which adds depth to your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Present enjoyment
  • Future planning
  • Long-term satisfaction
  • Short-term gratification
  • Economic planning
  • Infrastructure development
  • Spontaneity
  • Immediate pleasures
  • Balanced approach
  • Mindfulness
  • Strategic foresight
  • Anticipation
  • Well-being
  • Present-mindedness
  • Prosperity
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