IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that if a country is already rich, any addition in economic wealth does not make its citizen happier. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many believe that economic growth in rich
countries
Use synonyms
 does not result in happier inhabitants.
Although
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, I firmly believe that
such
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 advancements play a vital role in increasing the happiness index of any
country
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 by providing its
citizens
Use synonyms
 with higher comfort levels and economic security,
therefore
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, I completely disagree with the sentiment that the population of a wealthy
country
Use synonyms
 does not become happier with their nation becoming richer. Wealthy nations that grow their money are able to provide better facilities and luxuries to their
citizens
Use synonyms
.
This
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 is to say that with more money governments of these
countries
Use synonyms
 can invest in better healthcare facilities and public transport.
As a result
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, residents have an increased ease of living and an
overall
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 better lifestyle making them more content.
For example
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, in a
country
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 like the UK,
citizens
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 have an
assurity
Correct your spelling
assured
 of being able to travel comfortably to any destination by public transport.
However
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,
this
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 is not the case with financially weaker
countries
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, as they are unable to provide
such
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 facilities, making day-to-day life more difficult for
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 residents.
Hence
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, with the betterment of the
country
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,
citizens
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 are set to become happier. Another imperative aspect of
overall
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 happiness for people is the sense of security. Humans tend to feel more comfortable when they are not burdened by the possibility of losing their jobs and subsequent price surges which are inevitable factors of restricting economic growth.
For example
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, individuals living in rich and developing
countries
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 only have to focus on their personal growth which makes them secure and happy.
This
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 is why each nation strives to earn more money and increase its gross domestic product, to save its
citizens
Use synonyms
 from a debilitating future.
In addition
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 to
this
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, if one aspires to live a stress-free and content life, it is undoubtedly easier to do so in a stable economy which is steadily growing, diminishing the possibility of recession. In conclusion,
due to
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 obvious professional and personal advantages, I do not agree with the belief that residents of rich
countries
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 do not become happier
by
Change preposition
about
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 their
country
Use synonyms
's financial progress.
It is clear that
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such
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countries
Use synonyms
 provide a secure and comfortable environment which positively impacts the population.

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task response
You have provided a clear and comprehensive response to the task and the main points are relevant and well-explained. However, some sentences could be more precise, and transitions between ideas could be smoother. Additionally, focus on avoiding repetition in wording in a few places.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good introduction and a strong, summarizing conclusion, which ties the essay together well. However, working on the logical flow between some paragraphs could enhance readability. You might want to use more varied linking words or phrases to make the transitions more seamless.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task comprehensively, clearly stating your stance and subsequently supporting it with well-thought-out points and examples.
coherence cohesion
You have included a balanced structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, creating a coherent essay overall.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic wealth
  • diminishing marginal utility
  • income inequality
  • subjective nature of happiness
  • mental health
  • work-life balance
  • social relationships
  • basic needs
  • non-material contributors
  • distribution of wealth
  • happiness index
  • fulfillment
  • purpose
  • personal achievements
  • social tensions
  • material well-being
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