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Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people believe that we should reduce air traveling for ecological reasons. Do you think that this would be a positive or negative development and how it could it be achieved?

#people #air #development
People think that individuals should decrease
number
Change the article
the number
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 of
Add an article
the plane
a plane
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plane
Fix the agreement mistake
planes
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 in
sky
Add an article
the sky
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 for ecological problems.
This
 action leads to
Add an article
an economical
the economical
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economical
Replace the word
economic
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 crisis
of
Change preposition
in
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 many
countries
 and increases
number
Change the article
the number
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 of other methods of transportation which are more harmful and dangerous for ecology. The first thing to note is that most
countries
 make money from
air
traveling
Replace the word
travel
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 if we reduce
air
 travel
this
 phenomenon could create huge issues for
countries
 which are dependent on
air
 transportation.
For
example
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example,
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dubai
Change noun form
dubai's
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 most money
makes
Wrong verb form
is made
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 from
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 by plane and tourism if we reduce
traveling
Add an article
the traveling
show examples
 amount of people who come to visit
this
 area
also
will
Verb problem
apply
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reduce.
Moreover
, with
decreasing
Correct article usage
a decreasing
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 number of planes government may manufacture more cars and buses which
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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consume more oil to replace planes.
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
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 cars are more harmful and dangerous than
air
 transport
Add the comma(s)
, for instance,
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for instance
 scientists
find
Wrong verb form
have found
show examples
 out that people are risking more to die on roads whereby in
sky
Add an article
the sky
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.
To sum
up
Add a comma
up,
show examples
 everything that has been written before
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
air
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 will lead to the fact that a lot of
countries
 will suffer from
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 problems or
creates
Correct subject-verb agreement
create
show examples
 other issues which can be risky for humans
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grammatical accuracy
Work on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure. There are some grammatical issues and awkward phrasing that affect clarity. For example, instead of saying 'most countries make money from air traveling,' you could say 'many countries generate significant revenue from air travel.'
supported main points
Include more specific examples and data to support your points. Rather than general statements like 'most countries make money from air traveling,' provide specific data or more detailed examples of how this impacts various countries.
supported main points
Try to elaborate more on how replacing planes with cars and buses might be more harmful to the environment. Adding data or further explanation would strengthen this argument.
logical structure
The essay has clear main points, which are well-organized into paragraphs. Each paragraph addresses a distinct idea related to the main argument, making it easier for the reader to follow.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively outline and summarize the main arguments, respectively, which contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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