IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Nowadays countries are reducing the cost of air travel as compared to the past. While some argue this will result in a negative outcome, others believe it will be positive. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Use relevant examples.

#countries #cost #air #travel #argue #outcome
It must be acknowledged that the flight ticket price has been dropping ever since the end of COVID days.
Such
reduction
 sparked conflicts upon the consequence of
such
reduction
 in
cost
Add an article
the cost
show examples
 of flight.
This
 essay is going to explain the pros and cons of the
reduction
 and share my
piece of thought
Fix the agreement mistake
thoughts
show examples
 on the issue. Some believe that the
reduction
 of flight
ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
show examples
 is beneficial for cultural exchange among
countries
. The
reduction
 of
travel
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 stimulates tourism. The local citizens can venture out to other
countries
 and
therefore
gaining
Wrong verb form
gain
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first-hand experience
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
culture
Add an article
the culture
a culture
show examples
 of other
countries
.
This
 cultural exchange sparks mutual respect between the
residence
Replace the word
residents
show examples
 of different
countries
.
However
, another area to be looked into is the pollution associated with the
increase
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air
travel
. The
plane
Capitalize word
Plane
show examples
 exhausts contain
air
pollutant
Fix the agreement mistake
pollutants
show examples
 including
green house
Correct your spelling
greenhouse
show examples
 gases. The
increase
 in
air
travel
 may result in the
increase
 in the emission of
green house
Correct your spelling
greenhouse
show examples
 gases
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
thus
 intensifying global warming. There is little
disput
Correct your spelling
doubt
 that the
reduction
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the cost of
air
travel
 is beneficial to the thriving cultural diversity.
However
, I believe
such
reduction
 does more
harms
Fix the agreement mistake
harm
show examples
 than
goods
Fix the agreement mistake
good
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human kind
Correct your spelling
humankind
show examples
. Apart from the
air
 pollution, the staggering number of
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 may provoke over-tourism and
therefore
destory
Correct your spelling
destroy
 local culture. The increasing number of visitors caused many
problem
Change the noun form
problems
show examples
,
such
 as cultural conflicts and pollution. In conclusion, the
increase
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air
 transportation is a
double edged
Add a hyphen
double-edged
show examples
 sword, it brings a lot of
benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
show examples
 but meanwhile
causing
Wrong verb form
causes
show examples
 many
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 harms that cannot be ignored.
Submitted by hardychau on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
To enhance task response, include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. For example, mention specific countries or statistics related to tourism growth or emissions due to air travel.
coherence cohesion
In coherence and cohesion, ensure that your sentences link smoothly. Some transitions can be clearer. For instance, phrases like 'On the other hand' or 'Conversely' can be used to introduce contrasting points.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structure is clear, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The main points are logically organized and relevant to the topic.
task response
The essay addresses both views and provides a clear opinion, fulfilling the task requirement adequately.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: