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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that what children watch on TV influences their behavior while others say the amount of time children spend watching TV influences their behavior. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #tv #influences #behavior #amount #time
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In contemporary society, the debate surrounds whether the behaviours of
children
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 change
according to
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 what they watch versus how much
time
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 they spend looking at
TV
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.
Although
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 it negatively affects
children
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's behaviours in accordance with what they watch, it is
also
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 true that their characters change depending on how much
time
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 they spend watching
TV
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, as they can lose interest in physical activities.   By watching
films
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 on
TV
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,
children
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's
attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
show examples
 may change greatly. As
films
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 contain unexpected actions like violence or humiliation, it may impact them, and they may behave in
such
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 a way in the future.
Additionally
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, it is not recommended for
children
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 to watch screens as it can be addictive.
For instance
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,
children
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 who used to watch different shows and
films
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 became more addicted to
TV
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, and scientists
also
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 noticed that it could lead to increased anxiety.
Thus
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, as watching different kinds of
films
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 can negatively affect
children
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's way of behaving, it is better if they do not watch anything.    
On the other hand
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, excessive screen
time
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 may have a negative effect on the way of acting, like refusing to go outside. Spending too much
time
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 watching
TV
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 can reduce the amount of physical activity
children
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 engage in, leading to a sedentary lifestyle that can contribute to obesity and other health problems.
Children
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 who spend too much
time
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 watching
TV
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 may be less likely to engage in physical activities like playing outside, riding bikes, or participating in sports, which are important for their physical and mental health.
For example
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,
according to
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 scientists, excessive
TV
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 watching can impact mental health by reducing the release of endorphins and other "feel-good" hormones that are typically increased during physical activities.
Therefore
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, overwatching has many negative effects on
children
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, and it might cause obesity
due to
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 a lack of physical activity.    In conclusion, both overwatching and what they watch have negative effects,
such
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 as increased anxiety and obesity. In my view, if parents control what their
children
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 are watching or how much
time
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 they are spending, it may decrease the negative effects on attitude.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Make sure to include clear, specific examples to support your main points. This strengthens your argument and demonstrates your understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating more logical connections between ideas and paragraphs. This will help in presenting your argument more clearly and cohesively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. This clarity will enhance the overall structure and readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, summarizing the topic and your viewpoint effectively.
task achievement
You have addressed both views of the topic, showing a balanced understanding and providing a fair discussion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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