Some people believe that there are many reasons that can motivate a person to keep working for the same company whereas others say that money is the main reason. Do you agree or disagree

There is a diversity of factors that play a pivotal role in
work
recruitment.
While
a number of people argue that several elements prompt prolonged employment periods in
firms
, others believe that remuneration is the prime reason.
Nonetheless
, I agree that financial incentives are of paramount importance, and,
therefore
, are cause reinforcement solely. First and foremost, one of the major reasons that drive employees to
work
for the same
firms
is financial stability.
In other words
, driven by the notion of an opulent lifestyle, workers are more encouraged to
work
for the same
firms
where they are paid wisely.
For instance
, it is evident that most transitions in employment are attributed to the differences in the compensation being offered.
Hence
, there is no gainsaying that higher paychecks ensure a better lifestyle, and,
likewise
, financial security.
Furthermore
, improved remunerations mean enhanced academic prospects for children and
sustained
Correct article usage
a sustained
show examples
quality of life in future. To elaborate on
this
, not only do better salaries allow individuals to save some money, but
also
entice them to send their children to better learning institutes, thereby, cultivating their persona and individuality.
For example
, in many regions around the world, job seekers opt for jobs that enable them to save money and enrol their offspring on top-ranked institutes.
Thus
, bigger salaries incentivize people, pushing them to
work
and stay loyal to their
firms
. In conclusion,
although
there are countless factors that are responsible for people staying in companies over extended periods, compensation ranks the highest among the others, owing to the empowerment
stemmed
Wrong verb form
stemming
show examples
from
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
stability and durability, and
promised
Correct article usage
the promised
show examples
future for the family.
Submitted by hadia.iftikhar126 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and provides relevant examples that support your main points. However, expanding on some ideas would improve clarity and depth. For instance, further elaborating on why financial stability and improved remunerations are particularly important compared to other potential factors like job satisfaction or workplace environment could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. Creating clearer topic sentences for each paragraph can guide the reader better. Additionally, work on varying your sentence structures to maintain the reader’s interest.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively outlines the essay topic and states your position clearly, setting a strong foundation for your argument.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion nicely encapsulates the main points of the essay and reiterates your stance, providing a satisfactory end to the discussion.
supported main points
Your examples are relevant and provide good support to your arguments, particularly in emphasizing financial stability and quality of life as motivating factors.
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