Social media, such as Facebook, Twitter, are replacing face – to – face contact in this century. Do you think the advantage of this way outweigh the disadvantages?

#media #facebook #twitter #face #contact #century #advantage

this

day and age, social

media

is taking the place of people's face-to-face contact. I believe

this

will have more disadvantages than advantages as I will explain below. The main benefits of online communications are

time

-saving and being keep in touch with a number of individuals. Plenty of social

media

are used in our modern society by mankind,

although

, our fingers are not enough to count them. In

this

case, many people are saving

time

by communicating online anywhere and anytime via their social

media

platforms like Facebook, X, Telegram or other programs only, if they have internet access.

Moreover

, as

time

flies, individuals prefer to communicate with their families at the same

time

by using group chats.

On the other hand

, there are a variety of disadvantages to liaising online.

Firstly

this

remains the cause for people being lazier than in previous decades as far as communicating on social

media

platforms is increasing dramatically.

Furthermore

, some individuals cannot express their feelings and emotions sincerely when they have diallings, so

this

leads to insincerity with their relatives.

In addition

, spending more

time

on online conversations affects their mental and physical health because of harmful rays emitted from the device.

To sum up

, In today's age, social

media

platforms like Facebook and Twitter are becoming more prevalent, leading to a decrease in in-person interactions. I am firmly of the opinion that the downsides of

this

trend outweigh the advantages involving the loss of naturalness and getting some health issues,

therefore

, should be considered carefully.

Submitted by oyatilloalisherov159 on Fri Jun 07 2024

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coherence cohesion

While the introduction and conclusion are present and clear, the main body paragraphs can benefit from better structuring. Consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly state the main point, and ensure that each sentence in the paragraph supports this main idea.

task achievement

Enhance your essay by providing more specific examples which can help strengthen your arguments. For instance, you could include real-life scenarios or statistical data to back up your claims about the impact on people's health or social behavior.

task achievement

To fully achieve the task, discuss both the advantages and disadvantages in more detail. Providing a balanced view and then clearly stating your position would make your essay more comprehensive.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay by stating your position clearly. The conclusion also succinctly summarizes your points and restates your opinion, which is very effective.

coherence cohesion

Your use of phrases like 'In this day and age' and 'to sum up' demonstrates a good understanding of how to structure an essay. These transitional phrases help guide the reader and connect your ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

254 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Social media, such as Facebook, Twitter, are replacing face – to – face contact in this century. Do you think the advantage of this way outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

in many countries goverment are investing in new technology to deal with the public. why is this happening ? do you think this is a appropriate use of goverment money?

Many people these days rely on traditional medicines rather than going to doctors. What are the causes? Is this a positive or negative development?

Living in a country where you must speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?