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Writing Samples
Band 7

Social media, such as Facebook, Twitter, are replacing face – to – face contact in this century. Do you think the advantage of this way outweigh the disadvantages?

#media #facebook #twitter #face #contact #century #advantage
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In
this
 day and age, social
media
 is taking the place of people's face-to-face contact. I believe
this
 will have more disadvantages than advantages as I will explain below. The main benefits of online communications are
time
-saving and being keep in touch with a number of individuals. Plenty of social
media
 are used in our modern society by mankind,
although
, our fingers are not enough to count them. In
this
 case, many people are saving
time
 by communicating online anywhere and anytime via their social
media
 platforms like Facebook, X, Telegram or other programs only, if they have internet access.
Moreover
, as
time
 flies, individuals prefer to communicate with their families at the same
time
 by using group chats.
On the other hand
, there are a variety of disadvantages to liaising online.
Firstly
,
this
 remains the cause for people being lazier than in previous decades as far as communicating on social
media
 platforms is increasing dramatically.
Furthermore
, some individuals cannot express their feelings and emotions sincerely when they have diallings, so
this
 leads to insincerity with their relatives.
In addition
, spending more
time
 on online conversations affects their mental and physical health because of harmful rays emitted from the device.
To sum up
, In today's age, social
media
 platforms like Facebook and Twitter are becoming more prevalent, leading to a decrease in in-person interactions. I am firmly of the opinion that the downsides of
this
 trend outweigh the advantages involving the loss of naturalness and getting some health issues,
therefore
, should be considered carefully.
Submitted by oyatilloalisherov159 on

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coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present and clear, the main body paragraphs can benefit from better structuring. Consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly state the main point, and ensure that each sentence in the paragraph supports this main idea.
task achievement
Enhance your essay by providing more specific examples which can help strengthen your arguments. For instance, you could include real-life scenarios or statistical data to back up your claims about the impact on people's health or social behavior.
task achievement
To fully achieve the task, discuss both the advantages and disadvantages in more detail. Providing a balanced view and then clearly stating your position would make your essay more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay by stating your position clearly. The conclusion also succinctly summarizes your points and restates your opinion, which is very effective.
coherence cohesion
Your use of phrases like 'In this day and age' and 'to sum up' demonstrates a good understanding of how to structure an essay. These transitional phrases help guide the reader and connect your ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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