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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some parents and teachers think that children's behaviour should be strongly monitored whereas others think that children should be allowed to behave as they want . Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that
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children
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’s
actions
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 must be strictly controlled.
However
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, others argue that allowing
children
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 to behave as they desire is more beneficial. I firmly agree with the statement that supports letting
children
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 act freely without strict enforcement. On the one hand, many parents and teachers consider closely monitoring
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children
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’s
actions
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 crucial to their academic and personal development. Observing
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children
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’s behaviour can enhance their cognitive function, leading to increased intelligence.
This
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 monitoring often includes setting structured schedules, supervising homework, and guiding them in social interactions.
Moreover
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,
children
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 often lack awareness of their responsibilities;
therefore
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, supervision can instil a sense of responsibility.
For example
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, my family was deliberate about my responsibilities and duties, which made me a more responsible person.
Additionally
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, structured environments have been shown to provide stability and predictability, which can help
children
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 feel secure and focused on their goals.
On the other hand
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, allowing
children
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 freedom in their
actions
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 is a natural right that should not be taken from them. Encouraging them to behave as they wish can be more beneficial for their character development.
For instance
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, if a young child knows they are free to act independently, they will develop higher self-esteem and independence.
Children
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 who are given the freedom to make choices and learn from their mistakes tend to become more confident and self-reliant.
This
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 aspect, I believe, is more significant and should be prioritized by parents in raising a child.
Furthermore
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, creative thinking and problem-solving skills often flourish in environments where
children
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 are allowed to explore their interests without constant supervision. In conclusion,
while
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 monitoring
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children
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’s
actions
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 has positive outcomes,
such
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 as enhancing academic performance and developing responsibility, it is not ethical to restrict their basic rights to behave freely. More importantly, it affects
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children
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’s personalities by making them more independent and confident individuals.
Therefore
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, striking a balance between guidance and freedom is crucial to fostering well-rounded and capable individuals. Parents and educators should aim to support
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children
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’s natural curiosity and autonomy
while
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 providing the necessary support and boundaries.
This
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 balanced approach ensures that
children
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 grow up to be responsible, independent, and confident adults.

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coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured and logically organized. Ensure all points are directly tied back to the main topic to maintain relevance throughout.
task achievement
While specific examples are given, providing more varied and detailed examples could strengthen your position and enhance the reader's understanding of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion that clearly address and encapsulate the topic.
task achievement
The ideas presented are clear, comprehensive, and well-explained.
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