IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some parents and teachers think that children's behaviour should be strongly monitored whereas others think that children should be allowed to behave as they want . Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#parents #teachers #children #behaviour
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people believe that
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
’s
actions
Use synonyms
 must be strictly controlled.
However
Linking Words
, others argue that allowing
children
Use synonyms
 to behave as they desire is more beneficial. I firmly agree with the statement that supports letting
children
Use synonyms
 act freely without strict enforcement. On the one hand, many parents and teachers consider closely monitoring
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
’s
actions
Use synonyms
 crucial to their academic and personal development. Observing
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
’s behaviour can enhance their cognitive function, leading to increased intelligence.
This
Linking Words
 monitoring often includes setting structured schedules, supervising homework, and guiding them in social interactions.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 often lack awareness of their responsibilities;
therefore
Linking Words
, supervision can instil a sense of responsibility.
For example
Linking Words
, my family was deliberate about my responsibilities and duties, which made me a more responsible person.
Additionally
Linking Words
, structured environments have been shown to provide stability and predictability, which can help
children
Use synonyms
 feel secure and focused on their goals.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, allowing
children
Use synonyms
 freedom in their
actions
Use synonyms
 is a natural right that should not be taken from them. Encouraging them to behave as they wish can be more beneficial for their character development.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a young child knows they are free to act independently, they will develop higher self-esteem and independence.
Children
Use synonyms
 who are given the freedom to make choices and learn from their mistakes tend to become more confident and self-reliant.
This
Linking Words
 aspect, I believe, is more significant and should be prioritized by parents in raising a child.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, creative thinking and problem-solving skills often flourish in environments where
children
Use synonyms
 are allowed to explore their interests without constant supervision. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 monitoring
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
’s
actions
Use synonyms
 has positive outcomes,
such
Linking Words
 as enhancing academic performance and developing responsibility, it is not ethical to restrict their basic rights to behave freely. More importantly, it affects
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
’s personalities by making them more independent and confident individuals.
Therefore
Linking Words
, striking a balance between guidance and freedom is crucial to fostering well-rounded and capable individuals. Parents and educators should aim to support
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
’s natural curiosity and autonomy
while
Linking Words
 providing the necessary support and boundaries.
This
Linking Words
 balanced approach ensures that
children
Use synonyms
 grow up to be responsible, independent, and confident adults.
Submitted by Yasar Khan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured and logically organized. Ensure all points are directly tied back to the main topic to maintain relevance throughout.
task achievement
While specific examples are given, providing more varied and detailed examples could strengthen your position and enhance the reader's understanding of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion that clearly address and encapsulate the topic.
task achievement
The ideas presented are clear, comprehensive, and well-explained.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: