IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

It is important for people to take risks, in both their professional lives and personal lives. What are benefits and drawbacks of this tendency?

#people #risks #lives #tendency
For the life of all
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 taking
rks
Correct your spelling
risks
 will
le
Correct your spelling
be
show examples
impordant
Correct your spelling
important
.
This
 essay will touch on the benefits and
drowbacks
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
 of taking
rists
Correct your spelling
risks
racists
. On the one hand, it is essential for people to take wits. There are more hazards in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
all
aspeeds
Correct your spelling
areas
 of life, like
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
work,
home
Correct word choice
and home
show examples
. One of the selling of toking hazard will be the climbing
ledders
Correct your spelling
ladders
leaders
lenders
 in personal
carrer
Correct your spelling
career
. I can say all jobs ger competitive employees and they must
have
Verb problem
be
show examples
 brave to take
rises
Correct your spelling
risks
show examples
.
Further
. nore, taking rises
con
Correct your spelling
can
show examples
 protect people from death.
In many
Change preposition
Many
show examples
 times
depent
Correct your spelling
depend
dependent
 on lifestyle.
For instance
,
firefightees
Correct your spelling
firefighters
 can enter the fire
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 rescue
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
someone's life.
On the other hand
, taking
harards
Correct your spelling
hazards
 will
resulting
Wrong verb form
result
show examples
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the unfailure.
Navadays
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
 there are many gambling games, and so many
inch'viduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 believe they will win
monatory
Correct your spelling
monetary
monitory
va
Correct your spelling
via
 these games. Fat
thes
Correct your spelling
this
 reason, they put their
wealthy
Replace the word
wealth
show examples
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
thes
Correct your spelling
this
 app and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
take
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
,
at the end
 they
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 properties de money. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 the result of taking ves will be unfailure or
successil
Correct your spelling
successful
success
. Maybe taking
hazard
Fix the agreement mistake
hazards
show examples
 will help
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
develop
Correct your spelling
their
the
thei
Correct your spelling
their careers
carrer
Correct your spelling
career
,
on
Correct word choice
but on
show examples
 the
glip
Correct your spelling
flip
show examples
 side it will be
reason
Add an article
the reason
a reason
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 death
Submitted by zeynalli.tarana on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
There are numerous grammatical errors and spelling mistakes that affect the readability and understanding of your essay. Make sure to proofread your work or use grammar checking tools to minimize these errors.
task achievement
The task achievement could be improved by providing more detailed, specific examples to support your points. Providing clearer, more comprehensive ideas will help in making your arguments stronger.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion can be improved by better structuring your paragraphs with clear topic sentences and smoother transitions. This will make your essay flow more logically.
task achievement
You have identified the importance of taking risks in both professional and personal lives, which aligns well with the essay prompt.
coherence cohesion
You included an introduction and conclusion, which shows an understanding of essential essay structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: