Task 2. The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree?

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine #government

In the present day, there is always a reality

that is

preventing

health

problems and illness is more essential than handling and

cure

As a result

, it should be imaged by the funding

that is

managed by authorities. First of all,

that is

very apparent when a person always can be diseased, and preventing

health

is the best method. Our body has a “shield”-The immune system,

this

“shield” helps us counter almost disease, virus, or changing weather. Not only that, improving

this

shield is very simple because we only practice every day. If we improve our

health

, we will be stronger in a long time.

Furthermore

, it is cheaper than any

treatment

medicine

For example

, an economic survey in the UK shows that the cost of

medicine

is usually twice as expensive as investing in some equipment to work out.

However

, almost of patients have to continuously use the

medicine

, and that makes a big loan for the patient.

On the other hand

, having

treatment

will need a lot of time to finish it. From that, it has many problems we will have to face If we have some

cure

However

, the

cure

is still portable if governments do not allocate funding to support the

treatment

and develop

medicine

, it can create a significant concern for global healthcare.

Treatment

and therapy will be methods to heal patients with a special disease or strong virus. Our body has an immune system but it is not enough to escape from dangerous viruses.

For instance

, In 2019, our global appeared a guest has never been welcomed- COVID-19, they made a disease that killed many people in many parts of the world. To counter

this

, people had to be vaccinated to be stronger. After that, the government should spend more money to make

medicine

more effective. All in all, we cannot contradict that protecting

health

is better than

cure

However

, the government still needs to improve both of them to improve society and our lives.

Submitted by dohuyhoang on Wed Jul 10 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion but could benefit from a more structured argument. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically connects to the others.

Task Achievement

Some points in your essay feel underdeveloped. Providing more detailed examples and explanations will make your argument more persuasive.

Coherence and Cohesion

The ideas in your essay are clear, but sometimes the language and grammar make it difficult to follow your argument. Consider revising for clarity and grammatical accuracy.

Task Achievement

The essay clearly addresses the topic and provides a balanced perspective, considering both prevention and treatment.

Coherence and Cohesion

You have provided a clear introduction and a conclusion that summarizes your main points, which strengthens the overall coherence of the essay.

Task Achievement

The use of specific examples, like the economic survey in the UK and the COVID-19 pandemic, adds relevance and specificity to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

332 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Task 2. The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people traveling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that parents should teach children. how to be member of society. others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this Discuss both view and give your opinion.

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?