IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently.To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

#people #career #path #lives #life #change #jobs
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Those who choose their
career
Use synonyms
 early and remain committed to it are more likely to find fulfilment in their professional lives compared to individuals who often switch jobs. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because consistency in one
career
Use synonyms
 path enables employees to grow professionally and reduce the stress of restarting a job in a new environment. First and foremost, deciding to earn a living by maintaining a
career
Use synonyms
 until reaching a desired position provides the opportunity to gain in-depth knowledge about a specific field of interest. When individuals focus on one place, they can build ambition to achieve their goals, which in turn enhances their skills and knowledge as they consistently learn new things at every level.
For example
Linking Words
, workers determined to achieve annual market targets in their first year can gain valuable insights from seniors and colleagues. In
such
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 cases, they can advance to higher positions over the years, leading to a sense of pride and satisfaction in their working life.
Furthermore
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, those without the desire to resign and look for another job can reduce stress and worry in their lives.
This
Linking Words
 is mostly
due to
Linking Words
 having a stable income, which may even increase over time.
In contrast
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, frequently changing jobs can lead to periods of unemployment and lack of income.
For example
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, fresh graduates who resign after working less than two years often face the challenge of starting over in a new company rather than receiving a promotion to a higher position.
This
Linking Words
 tendency may lead to negative impacts on both physical and mental well-being. In conclusion, job satisfaction and happiness in working life can
be achieve
Change the verb form
be achieved
show examples
 when each person focuses and preserves in a certain field rather than frequently moving and being inconsistent.
While
Linking Words
 the starting
career
Use synonyms
 may not be a significant factor, maintaining focus should remain the top priority.
Submitted by nineband9s on

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task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This will add depth and make your points more relatable.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could flow better with the use of transitional phrases, enhancing the overall cohesion of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, which frames your response well.
task achievement
You effectively maintain a consistent focus on the benefits of staying in one career path, which aligns with the main argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career path
  • job satisfaction
  • professional goals
  • climb the career ladder
  • develop expertise
  • long-term commitment
  • financial security
  • varied experiences
  • prevent monotony
  • job security
  • career progression
  • personal preferences
  • industry dynamics
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