IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

These days, many countries help other countries by giving free food, medical, or other aid. What are the benefits and drawbacks of this for countries that give and receive?

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In
this
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 contemporary epoch, some strong
nations
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 provide assistance to weak
countries
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 by giving them food, and medications, free of cost to help them maintain stability in the
nation
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.
This
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 scenario affects positively
as well as
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 negatively to both sender
as well as
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 receiver.
This
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 essay will delve into the reasons behind
this
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 scene and will lead to a logical conclusion as well.
To begin
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 with, getting free items from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other
nations
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 helps the weak
countries
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 to stabilize their situation, especially from poverty.
This
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 would be helpful to alleviate the death rate
due to
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 malnutrition.
However
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, the weaker sections around the globe start becoming dependent on the other
countries
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 for everything, they will stop making efforts to improve the condition of their public. When free food and medicines are available,
this
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 could lead to the adaptation of a sedentary lifestyle by the community making the country more dependent and weaker. On the other side, by sending the products and services to the other
nations
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 stronger
nations
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 can get stronger because during any clash with any other
nation
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, they can get some help from them because they are already their debtors.
Moreover
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, the weaker
countries
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 could
also
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 be captured by their service providers because they are not strong enough to fight against their government and they can come up as powerful
nations
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.
However
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, the major drawback could be the drainage of the GDP in other
countries
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 which could make the
nation
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 weak as well. There are numerous solutions available to solve
this
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 issue. The prominent one is that assistance should be provided but under certain limits,
first,
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their own country’s status should not be disturbed
such
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 as gross domestic product should not fall. Another remedy could be that only limited service should be provided and the rest should be left to the public to improve.
To conclude
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, as per the matrimonial mentioned it is crystal clear that sometimes it is vital to provide free food and medicines for the survival of the community but it should always be limited so that the sender
nation
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’s stability should not be disturbed,
along with
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 taking care of the status of the weaker
nation
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.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating more on how dependence on aid can impact local economies and self-reliance. Also, add specific examples to illustrate your points.
task achievement
There are some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. However, the essay is generally understandable. Polishing the language slightly can enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically flows from one to the next. Although your points are clear, there could be a smoother flow between some ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all ideas are clearly and sufficiently supported. For instance, the point about GDP drainage can be expanded with specific examples or data to strengthen your argument.
structure
You have provided a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both benefits and drawbacks, showcasing a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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