IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is better for university students to live away from home during their university studies rather than staying with their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#university #students #home #studies #parents
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In most cases, enrolling in university is often correlated with moving out of
parents
' house. Many people believe that living far away from home is better for
students
,
while
 others argue that staying at home with their
parents
 has more advantages. In my opinion, I believe that
students
 benefit from living alone, especially because they learn how to be independent, and how to manage their time and their expenses.
To begin
 with, living away from the
parents
' nest can enhance their abilities and they can learn how to be independent. In fact, independence and self-reliance are extremely important skills everyone needs to have in life.
Moreover
,
students
 who live on campus or in specific accommodations may have many social opportunities,
such
 as different activities, parties, and lectures. Indeed, the proximity to
parents
 can often limit social interactions.
Besides
, the university experience involves learning from peer groups.
Furthermore
, living alone at a young age can lead them to learn essential life skills,
such
 as cooking, budgeting and time management.
For example
, it is quite common for
students
 to try to save money and not be a financial burden for their
parents
.
Therefore
, they learn how to make savings, which is extremely important for their future.
To conclude
, I believe that living alone
while
 studying at university is truly important.
Although
 it is not possible for every student, moving out develops important life skills,
such
 as managing expenses and how to rely on themselves.
Therefore
, I believe that everyone should experience it.
Submitted by chi63hi on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured and flows logically from one idea to the next. To elevate your writing further, consider using more varied linking words and phrases. While your transitions are generally smooth, enriching the variety can enhance the reading experience.
task achievement
Your essay meets the requirements of the prompt fully, offering a persuasive and comprehensive response. However, you could strengthen your argument by addressing and rebutting potential counterarguments. This shows a balanced view and enhances the depth of your response.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and well-structured, effectively framing your argument. This helps in making your essay coherent and easy to follow.
task achievement
The main points in your essay are well-supported and relevant. You provide specific examples and reasoning for your points, which helps to convince the reader of your perspective.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • on campus
  • student accommodation
  • engage in social activities
  • budgeting
  • time management
  • financial burdens
  • emotional and mental support
  • stressful times
  • proximity
  • social interactions
  • diverse peer groups
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