Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.
Discussion both these views and give your own opinions.
Some believe in promoting sports amenities to enhance
overall
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the overall
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health of
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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.
while
,
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apply
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others argue that it would have negative impacts on the other measurable factors of health.I partially agree with these statements and discuss
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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in
this
essay.
By rendering
such
a
facilities
Correct the article-noun agreement
facility
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like
sport
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a sport
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club,huge ground one can use it for their leisure time activity like clubbing and playing with their friends.
Submitted by jenny.15121996 on
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task achievement
The introduction needs to clearly and completely state the main points you will discuss. Try to concisely address both views and state your opinion clearly. For example: 'Some people believe that increasing the number of sports facilities is the best way to improve public health. Others argue that this approach is insufficient and other measures are needed. This essay will discuss both viewpoints and provide my own perspective.'
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are not fully developed. Try to expand on why sports facilities improve public health and why some believe they are insufficient. For example, you could discuss how sports facilities promote physical activity, which is essential for maintaining a healthy weight and reducing the risk of chronic diseases. On the other hand, you could discuss that other measures such as education about nutrition and healthcare accessibility are also necessary for a holistic approach to public health.
relevant specific examples
Provide specific examples to support your points. For example, mention a city that has successfully improved public health by increasing sports facilities or how educational programs on nutrition have had a positive impact.
logical structure
The essay should follow a logical structure. Make sure your paragraphs have clear topic sentences and that the ideas flow smoothly from one to the next. Use transition phrases like 'Firstly,' 'In addition,' 'On the other hand,' and 'In conclusion' to guide the reader.
introduction/conclusion present
Include a proper conclusion to summarize your points and restate your opinion. For example: 'In conclusion, while increasing the number of sports facilities can play a role in improving public health, it is also important to implement other measures such as public health education and improving access to medical care.'
logical structure
Connect the ideas within and between paragraphs effectively using cohesive devices. For example, 'Furthermore,' 'However,' 'In contrast,' etc.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both views about public health.
task achievement
The topic is relevant and important for public health discussions.
Include an introduction and conclusion
A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.
The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.
The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:
Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation
Example:
To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported.After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.
Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:
In our era, advertising is becoming more and more aggressive and targeted even at children. There is an opinion that such activities can have a negative influence on youngsters and must be banned. It is agreed that kids aimed advertising is not a boon and should be abolished. This essay will shed some light on the issue and provide the writer's point of view.
There is no doubt that many things had changed in the last few decades; some changes are for betterment and some changes are for worse. One of the fields which were greatly affected by the advent of technology is the way of interaction and communication.
Some say that if people let children decide their everyday matter, in the future they will only think about themselves, while others would argue that children should make their own choices. This essay would argue that although people might be more selfish, if individuals make their own choices, they will be more independent and will enjoy their lives.