The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

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Some believe that the essential role of education is to make children ready for the modern

world

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, so it is not necessary to provide them with

art

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and

music

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classes

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ınstead they should focus on contemporary subjects. I disagree with the statement that we should cut out

music

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and

art

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to better prepare for the modern

world

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and give more attention to

classes

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such

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as information technology.

This

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essay will explore several reasons for

this

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matter.

Firstly

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art

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and

music

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are crucial lessons that must taken into account properly . These lectures have a significant impact on personality development;

therefore

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, it is essential to provide

art

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and

music

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to everyone to some degree.

Due to

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the fact that by engaging with

art

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and

music

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we may find our aesthetic aspect , and relieve the stress from the modern

world

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, it has a profound impact on our behaviour that shapes our personality.

For example

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, when a person studies

art

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he or she will find new sides about himself that may affect his or her character and way of behaviour.

Thus

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instead

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of only focusing on modern

classes

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art

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and

music

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lessons should

also

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considered valuable , and should not be removed from the

school

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curriculum.

Besides

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that , another significant benefit of

art

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and

music

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is that they have the potential to increase creativity in individuals. By putting effort into creating new paintings or new musical compositions

students

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will elevate their creativity ,which is highly important for their

further

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education.

For instance

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, making sculptures has had paramount effects on me,

such

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as making me more creative when I was in high

school

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Likewise

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, every

school

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should encourage

students

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to make

art

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music

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. In conclusion,

although

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some people say that

students

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should only put effort into modern

world

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classes

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such

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as information technology, and remove

art

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and

music

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classes

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from the

school

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curriculum, I strongly believe that

art

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and

music

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could have many advantages for

students

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Hence

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, enhancing personality through

art

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and

music

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is a considerable fact that should not denied. More importantly, boosting creativity by engaging with

art

Use synonyms

and

music

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is vital for

students

Use synonyms

' future.

Submitted by Yasar Khan on Wed Jul 10 2024

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task achievement

Your essay covers the prompt well by discussing both the importance of modern subjects and articulating a strong argument in favor of keeping art and music in the curriculum. To improve, you can delve deeper into your examples and avoid repetitive phrases.

coherence cohesion

Some sentences are slightly awkward and need restructuring for better clarity and readability. Ensure smooth transitions between ideas to maintain consistency. Use conjunctions effectively to connect your arguments smoothly.

introduction conclusion present

Your introduction clearly states your position and sets up the essay effectively.

introduction conclusion present

Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and reaffirms your stance, which leaves a strong final impression.

complete response

The essay covers all aspects of the question and provides a balanced response.

relevant specific examples

The points about personality development and creativity are well-articulated and relevant examples are used to support these points.

15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

355 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

holistic development
cognitive abilities
cultural education
globally connected world
problem-solving skills
critical thinking
well-rounded education
self-expression
mental health impacts
digital art
music production
technology-driven careers
academic performance
intellectual growth
emotional development
creative subjects
enrich creativity
foster a sense of achievement
stress relief

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Nowadays the differences between countries are becoming less evident because we see the same TV shows, advertisements, fashion and follow the same brands. To what extent the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages?

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives? To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems such as railways and trams. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

While some suggest the best way to combat climate change is by having a carbon tax on large corporations’ activities, others think that individuals paying tax on their own carbon footprints will have a greater impact.