The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?
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Some believe that the essential role of education is to make children ready for the modern
world
, so it is not necessary to provide them with art
and music
classes
ınstead they should focus on contemporary subjects. I disagree with the statement that we should cut out music
and art
to better prepare for the modern world
and give more attention to classes
such
as information technology. This
essay will explore several reasons for this
matter.
Firstly
, art
and music
are crucial lessons that must taken into account properly . These lectures have a significant impact on personality development; therefore
, it is essential to provide art
and music
to everyone to some degree. Due to
the fact that by engaging with art
and music
we may find our aesthetic aspect , and relieve the stress from the modern world
, it has a profound impact on our behaviour that shapes our personality. For example
, when a person studies art
he or she will find new sides about himself that may affect his or her character and way of behaviour. Thus
, instead
of only focusing on modern classes
, art
and music
lessons should also
considered valuable , and should not be removed from the school
curriculum.
Besides
that , another significant benefit of art
and music
is that they have the potential to increase creativity in individuals. By putting effort into creating new paintings or new musical compositions students
will elevate their creativity ,which is highly important for their further
education. For instance
, making sculptures has had paramount effects on me,such
as making me more creative when I was in high school
. Likewise
, every school
should encourage students
to make art
or music
.
In conclusion, although
some people say that students
should only put effort into modern world
classes
such
as information technology, and remove art
and music
classes
from the school
curriculum, I strongly believe that art
and music
could have many advantages for students
. Hence
, enhancing personality through art
and music
is a considerable fact that should not denied. More importantly, boosting creativity by engaging with art
and music
is vital for students
' future.Submitted by Yasar Khan on
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task achievement
Your essay covers the prompt well by discussing both the importance of modern subjects and articulating a strong argument in favor of keeping art and music in the curriculum. To improve, you can delve deeper into your examples and avoid repetitive phrases.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are slightly awkward and need restructuring for better clarity and readability. Ensure smooth transitions between ideas to maintain consistency. Use conjunctions effectively to connect your arguments smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states your position and sets up the essay effectively.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and reaffirms your stance, which leaves a strong final impression.
complete response
The essay covers all aspects of the question and provides a balanced response.
relevant specific examples
The points about personality development and creativity are well-articulated and relevant examples are used to support these points.