IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many jobs that are done by people are now done by machines and computers. Some people that this is a positive development while others feel this is a negative for society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The modern world is witnessing the rapid growth of artificial intelligence. Many employers are opting to rely on
machines
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 than
humans
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 and
this
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 is causing a divide in opinion amongst the public. Some argue
this
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 is for the good
while
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 many claim
otherwise
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. The following essay will highlight the reasons for both views and provide my personal opinion
at the end
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.
To begin
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 with,
machines
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 are an incredible invention. There is no doubt that they are superior to
humans
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 on some levels.
For instance
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, a robot will never become tired, upset or biased with any emotions. Unlike
humans
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,
machines
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 do not understand the concept of 'feelings' and
as a result
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 will only perform the way they will be programmed to do so - typically, without any errors. These qualities may prove to be fundamental for some employers for obvious reasons.
On the other hand
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, there are major criticisms of using artificial intelligence over
humans
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 at a professional level. These include
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for
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, for
show examples
 example, fewer job opportunities and less annual income than usual which may lead to
further
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 complications in the standard of living.
Besides
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, the lack of social interactions with
humans
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 will be harmful to society if robots are given more priority.
As a result
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,
humans
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 will be more likely to suffer the negative consequences.
To conclude
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, there are excellent reasons as to why employers may be choosing to work with
machines
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 over
humans
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 but I think that
humans
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 have much more to offer
instead
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. It is true that they are capable of doing work faster and more efficiently than
humans
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 but only to a limited extent.
Machines
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 only work with what
humans
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 train them to do,
thus
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 they do not have the capacity to think independently. Yet,
humans
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 are what created them in the first place, so they must not be forgotten over their creation.

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Vocabulary
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas even more vividly and accurately. This can add depth to your argument and make your points stand out even more.
Examples
Incorporating more specific examples or case studies could strengthen your argument. Specific examples help to concretize your points and make them more relatable to the reader.
Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. While your essay has a good structure, using a variety of linking words and phrases could enhance cohesion between ideas and sections further.
Task Achievement
Your essay successfully addresses the prompt with a clear stance, meeting the task achievement criteria effectively.
Structure
Your essay has a well-structured introduction and conclusion, clearly presenting your argument and summarizing your viewpoints effectively.
Coherence
Your essay demonstrates good logical structure, organizing ideas clearly and coherently, which aids in making your points convincing.
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