Doctors, Nurses, and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be payed more than entertainment and sport celebrities. Do you agree or disagree ?
Introduction, I partially agree with
this
statement because becoming an entertainment and sports celebrity is not that easy it needs a lot
of hard work.But on the other hand
, I agree Doctors
,Nurses
, and Teachers
make a great contribution
to society
and should be paid more.
Firstly
, In our society
, all types of fields make a good contribution
to society
. But, doctors
, nurses
and Teachers
play a major role in our community.For example
, If we have a dangerous accident or any illness and we are in our life the last
stage. The only person who saves our life
Is Doctor and Fix the agreement mistake
lives
nurses
. They give us a second chance to live life.Moreover
, to become a Doctor and Nurse we need to do a lot
of hard work and doing the job as a Doctor requires patience.So that's why I think Doctors
and Nurses
make a valuable contribution
to our society
and should be paid more.
secondly
, Teachers
also
make a great contribution
. Because,
Remove the comma
apply
Teachers
are our children
's second parent. For example
, when our children
are in school Teachers
teach them how to give
respect other people, teach them Verb problem
apply
difference
between good and bad Add an article
the difference
things
, And a lot
more things
which our children
learn in school from Teachers
. Furthermore
, That's why I believe Teachers
also
make a great contribution
to society
. On the other hand
, Entertainment and sports celebrities also
make a contribution
to our communities. like, a lot
of people and children
doing most of the things
same as a sportsman and entertainers. For example
, going gym , Eating healthy food, Studying And a lot
more things
which are good.
In conclusion, I partly agree Because all of them make a great contribution
to our society
. But somehow, Doctors
, Nurses
and Teachers
play a major role in their contribution
.Submitted by damandhillon75026 on
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task achievement
You have addressed the prompt and provided a standpoint, which is good. However, ensure you fully develop your ideas and use more specific examples to articulate your points better. Try to elaborate more clearly on why entertainment and sports celebrities should also not be dismissed in terms of their contributions.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized, but there are some areas where the linkage between ideas could be smoother. For example, use more linking phrases with precision to ensure your essay flows more naturally. Also, try to structure your paragraphs so each only develops one main idea. Additionally, some parts could have been more cohesively linked, especially when transitioning between the roles of doctors, nurses, and teachers to that of celebrities.
task achievement
You have made a clear response to the task and provided a balanced view which is commendable.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and adequately summarize your main points.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure in place which makes it easier to follow your line of argument.